In a relationship, you have a chance to see each other’s quirks and idiosyncrasies.  And as you spend more time together, those same quirks that you thought were so charming in the beginning may start to get on your nerves.  When you say something about it, or try to change something about your partner, it only makes things worse.  Or if you don’t say something, and just stew about it, resentment builds up.  So what do you do?  Here are some ideas:

Remember that whatever you pay attention to increases.  Instead of focusing on the things you don’t like, or have a problem with, focus on all the things you love, those good qualities.

2.  Practice acceptance.  When you switch off judgment and instead accept your partner “as is,” then you grow closer, and more intimate.

3.  De-stress.  Take a deep breath.  Usually you’ll find that what’s really bothering you is not your partner but the stress you’ve built up throughout the day.  Meditate together, stretch, take a walk.  To remind myself of this I made a T-shirt that says: “Less Moaning, More Om-ing.”

4.  Mind your manners.  Remember that you love this person.  Be kind.  Say “please,” and “thank you.”  Give hugs and say “I love you,” often!