Happiness Archives - Page 7 of 13

28 Nov

Worrying – The Truth About It

Unless you are a Zen monk who has mastered the art of total thought control, you would be inclined to worry at times.

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, worry is defined as:
“To think about problems or fears: to feel or show fear and concern because you think that something bad has happened or could happen.”

Here’s something that we all would know – some people worry more than others.

I had a Life Coaching client whose sense of feeling “normal” was when he had something to worry about.

If things were going well for him, he would subconsciously look for things to worry about. Once he found something to worry about, he would feel like he was back in his “zone”.

This former client of mine reminds me of a quote by Tony Robbins:

“We’re not wired for happiness; we are wired for anxiety. We are wired for what’s wrong. We are wired for survival, which means our brain is constantly looking for anything that could hurt us. This serves us well when we’re crossing a busy intersection, but it does not serve us if we permanently live in that emotional state, always fearing what danger might lurk around the corner. The good news is you get to choose which emotions you want to experience the most.”

While most of us (especially in Western Society) have worried about things in the past, and will worry about things in the future, there are certain things that you can control when it comes to worrying.

Here is a 5 step process to handle worrying in a productive manner:

Acknowledge it – if you are worrying about something, then please acknowledge the fact that you are worried. Just like everything else on earth, “Don’t worry, be happy” is easier said than done. Acknowledging it is the first step. Living in denial or trying to fight it off will be of little or no use. Pretending that you are not worried will not help either. Acknowledging the fact that you are worried will put you in a far better position (mentally, emotionally, and physically) to handle the cause of the worry.
Be solution oriented – instead of worrying about the problem, shift your attention to the solution. Focus on the solution, not the problem. Yes, sometimes you have to focus on the problem in order to come up with a solution. That said, the solution is more important than the problem. When you focus on the solution, you will be more likely to feel that you are in control. With more control of the situation comes less worry. If the situation is totally out of your control, then acceptance will be the most productive way to handle it. In an article in Psychology Today, Professor Graham C.L. Davey said “There is good evidence that in most people worrying is associated with a problem-focused coping style (that is, a willingness to approach and deal with problems), and it’s also associated with an information seeking coping style.” You can use worrying as something that will prompt you to take action toward a solution. Make a plan of action steps that you will take in order to overcome the problem. Then execute!
Switch off from the media – the Black Eyed Peas said “Wrong information always shown by the media. Negative images is the main criteria.” Regardless of how positive or optimistic you are, your mindset will become what you feed it. If you are constantly bombarding your mindset with negativity from the media, guess what? You will most likely start to feel negative. In 2007, a friend of mine who was also a very devout student of personal development gave me an exercise. He said “Watch the 6:00 pm news for a week, and have a look at the top 5 stories in the news each day. I will bet my bottom dollar that they will all be something negative – people getting killed, someone getting robbed, a war, terrorism, or animal cruelty”. After a week of watching the nightly news, I only had one thing to say to him – “You were spot on!” Now, I am not suggesting that you completely cut yourself off from what’s happening in the world. All that I am suggesting is that you guard your mind from being bombarded by negativity. Constant exposure to negativity will not help you overcome being worried.
Give yourself a reality check – sometimes we tend to blow things out of proportion. Ask yourself “Is the problem really that big of a deal that I have to worry about it?” Look back at things in the past that made you worry. How did they turn out? Learn from those experiences. You could also ask yourself “On a scale of 1 to 10, how big is this problem?” Then, go back to step 2, and focus on the solution.
Get support – a load that is shared will become a lighter load to carry. Whether you get someone to help you solve the problem or someone to act as a sounding board, you will most likely feel lighter afterward. Sometimes, just by sharing the problem, you will automatically feel less worried. The beauty about sharing your feelings is that others might give you their input which may change your perspective on the whole issue. And a change of perspective could just be the thing that you need. Reaching out for support doesn’t mean that you are weak. It means that you wish to remain strong.

There you have it! 5 steps to take if you feel that you are consumed with worry.
To put things in perspective, have a look at the quote below:

Quote: “60% of what you worry about will never actualise, 20% of what you worry about is in the past. 10% of what you worry about won’t impact you even if it came true. 10% of what you worry about may impact you but won’t kill you”. Victor Antonio

I sincerely hope that I have given you something of value and that you will use these 5 steps the next time you feel the effects of worry.

Influencing you towards your excellence,

Ron Prasad (Author, Speaker, Personal Development Coach)

PS: To order my book, please go to www.WelcomeToYourLifeBook.com. For $19.95, you get the book, thousands of dollars in bonus gifts from some of the best personal development experts in the world (such as Bob Proctor, Marci Shimoff, Dr Joe Rubino), and you get to give back to the community by supporting my charity! I appreciate your support.

22 Nov

You are Not Alone: The Epidemic of Self-Judgment

An Excerpt from Make Peace with Your Mind

by Mark Coleman

Many of us are well acquainted with our “Inner Critic.” It is the voice that makes us second-guess our every step by saying “not enough,” “not good enough,” or sometimes “too much.” At times the Inner Critic can be so strong that it feels invincible, but bestselling author and renowned meditation teacher Mark Coleman promises that it is not in his new book Make Peace with Your Mind: How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Your Inner Critic. We hope you’ll enjoy this short excerpt.

# # #

Have you noticed how many people give themselves a hard time? How friends and colleagues routinely put themselves down and happily confess all their faults and problems? It is culturally acceptable to talk about your faults and challenges, and of course to complain ad nauseam about the faults of others. As Lucy so eloquently put it in a Peanuts cartoon (speaking to Charlie Brown): “The problem with you, Charlie, is that you are you.”

At the same time it is quite the norm not to talk about one’s successes, strengths, and accomplishments. In some cultures, that is considered gauche and egotistical. Being raised in England, I was taught it was a faux pas to speak of your talents and gifts or celebrate your victories. It is as if you are rubbing other people’s nose in the dirt by doing so. Yet it is fine to lead with one’s inadequacies and problems.

In the United States the mental health statistics are alarming. One in ten Americans is on some form of antidepressant. One in five took some kind of behavioral medication in 2010. The number of suicides is equally staggering: forty thousand per year. And that’s just the numbers that are reported. Though the numbers may be higher in the United States than elsewhere, many industrialized countries report similarly alarming statistics.

Based on the work I have done with people over the past fifteen years on six continents, I believe the inner critic is a significant cause of much of the depression, anxiety, and suicide prevalent today. When the critic’s voices are loud, sharp, and rampant, it is hard to keep a sense of self-worth or feel there is a meaning or purpose in life.

Though the statistics are startling, there is one sad but reassuring fact among them: you are not alone. One of the biggest burdens we can carry when we are depressed, or just lost in a swamp of self-reproach, is the troubling thought that we are unusual to have such problems. We mistakenly believe that we are the only ones afflicted by nagging, negative stories about ourselves. It is bad enough to have such troubling thoughts, but the idea that you may be the only “loser” in the room who has them is doubly shaming, and harder to work with.

In workshops that I lead about the inner critic, one of the most healing outcomes is people’s realization that they are not the only ones with a judging mind. Isolation and the belief that you’re the odd one out, that everyone but you is having a merry old time, just compounds these mental challenges.

When I have people pair up at an inner-critic workshop and share their list of self-judgments, there is at first a sense of great apprehension and embarrassment, and a fear of the shame that may ensue. But when they actually do share their lists, a collective relief sweeps the room. The realization that we share similar self-judgments and negative mental habits brings this sense of relief. The thought that we can help each other if we share a similar burden also nurtures an important sense of camaraderie and social support.

Practice: Noticing the Critic Everywhere

As you go about your life — whether at home, at work, with friends, running errands, watching television — start paying attention to how you see the critic operating in other people. We can certainly observe it when hearing politicians and pundits barking on the radio or when movie critics are demolishing the latest film.

Also notice the inner critic in conversations, in the way people jokingly put themselves down: “Oh, you know me. I’m hopeless at math. Why don’t you do the numbers?” “My hair looks terrible today.” “I look awful in those photos.” “I made a real mess of that meeting at work yesterday.” These are all common parts of social conversation.

Observe what happens when you notice this behavior. Can you relate to others when they are putting themselves or others down? Does it feel familiar or even comfortable? Do you feel a sense of camaraderie? Can you see how ubiquitous this pattern is? Does it leave you feeling less alone, now that you can see you are not the only person with a sadistic inner voice? Similarly, do you feel compassion for others when they talk about themselves so negatively?

The more you can observe in this way, the more you will relieve yourself of the burdensome feeling that you are the only one with a problem, that you alone have a voice you should be ashamed of. Instead you may begin to feel a sense of connection with others, a feeling that you too are part of the shared human struggle, trying to find a way to be at peace amid all our conditioning and mental gyrations.

# # #

Mark Coleman is the author of Make Peace with Your Mind and Awake in the Wild. He is the founder of the Mindfulness Institute and has an MA in Clinical Psychology. Mark has guided students on five continents as a corporate consultant, counselor, meditation teacher, and wilderness guide. He lives in Northern California. Visit him online at www.markcoleman.org.

12 Nov

Who Are You Really?

If you ask yourself who you are, the answer might sound like: I am this person reading this article whose name is XYZ, who is a male or a female, who looks like the image in the mirror, living in ABC city, working as blah-blah, child/parent/spouse of so-and-so, having such-and-such thoughts, feelings, experiences, knowledge, skills, capabilities, memories, tendencies, and so on so forth. All these answers pertain to what can be called in a nutshell – a body-mind complex. There are high chances that this is what you take yourself to be.

Now consider this: You are a fully grown adult now, but you were once a little baby, a small boy/girl and a young teenager. Research suggests that, sparing few types of cells, most cells in the body die within few years and get constantly replaced with new ones. So, physiologically speaking, most of your current body cells were not present ten or twenty or thirty years ago which means you had materially different bodies back then. Even the state of your mind as a baby/child/teenager was very different than what you have now. So, if you are just a body-mind complex, you must have been someone else in the past as your body and mind have been very different at different stages of your life, and you will yet again turn into someone else as you grow older. But that’s not how you feel about yourself. You think you are one and the same entity throughout your life whose body and mind changes over time. So, if you are always the same entity, how can you be the body-mind complex which is constantly changing?

Here’s another way to look at it: Let’s say its possible for you to take-up an entirely new body which is everything you always wanted – healthier, stronger, better looking, more functional, and without any of the pains, aches and problems of your current body. And let’s say you don’t lose any of the advantages of your current body and people around you somehow continue to recognize you as before. Chances are you would want to sign-up for this offer. You would be willing to swap your mind too if you are offered a different mind with a more positive personality, stronger intellect, sharper memory, better knowledge and skills and capabilities, and much lesser issues compared to your current mind say in terms of anger, fear, lust, shame, hatred, etc., while still making sure that you don’t lose any of the advantages of your current mind. These are clear indications that you are neither the body nor the mind, because if you were really those, you would have never considered swapping them out as it would have meant the end of your current existence and birth of someone else.

Yet another way to arrive at the same conclusion: Let’s say you think you are fat and want to reduce your weight by half. It basically means that you would lose half your body. Or, for some reason, you lose a limb or two like a leg or an arm, or maybe more which makes-up a large part of your body. Would you think that you are only a part of what you were earlier or would you still consider yourself to be the same whole person? It applies to the mind too. Even if you lose a part of it like your memory or knowledge or intellect or any such thing, which happens a lot with age, you would still think you are the same person. These are again clear indications that you are neither the body nor the mind.

Let me re-iterate. If you were really just the body-mind complex and nothing more, any substantial change in the body and/or the mind would have meant that you have turned into someone else. But that’s not how you feel about yourself. You always feel that you are the same person throughout your life even though your personality might be undergoing various changes. Think about it. Contemplate on it. Re-read if you need to and you will begin to get it. If you are still not getting it, its primarily because of your natural attachment to the body and mind which is preventing you from believing that you are not them. Its not easy to get rid of this attachment and takes time.

Lets try to further understand what’s going on. Consider a house that you are familiar with. As time goes, you change the furniture, appliances, fittings, color scheme, and many such things. You may even remodel it and add/remove/change sections over time. So much so that the house might look very different from what it looked say thirty years ago – both from inside and outside. But you would still consider it to be the same house. In fact, as long as you don’t completely demolish the house and re-construct a new one, you would continue to call it the same house irrespective of the extent of change it undergoes. This is because what you refer to as the house is not really the material building itself but a concept of the house in your mind. As time passes and the house keeps changing materially, the concept keeps adapting to the change and you keep referring to it as the house. The same thing applies to your own body-mind. What you refer to as yourself is not the body-mind complex directly but a concept of it in your mind that remains one but keeps pointing to the changed body-mind.

Now the killer: Do you think you are really that concept in the mind you are referring to as yourself, or are you the one who is referring to that concept?

You have come a long way in trying to understand who or what you really are – all the way from thinking you are just a body-mind complex to thinking you are some entity that is referring to a concept of your body-mind as yourself. Its difficult to go beyond this understanding just through intellectual analysis, reasoning or normal experience. So it helps to seek guidance from those who have been successful in knowing their real self, learn from what they have to say about it, and then validate it for yourself. There have been many such through the millenniums who have left their invaluable and timeless teachings. If we study their teachings, we will find one thing in common – they all say that who or what we really are is indescribable in words. There is good reason for that. Its impossible to communicate even a normal day-to-day experience in words (like the experience of eating an ice-cream or listening to a piece of music or looking at a beautiful scenery) to someone else and make them come even close to how you feel. They have to experience it for themselves. If such is the case for a normal experience, what to say of our real self which is far subtler. Even then, for others benefit, these teachers atleast indicate what our real self is like and describe practices to know and experience it internally.

The best term used to indicate the real self (aka Self), as found in the teachings in Upanishads and other Indian scriptures, is Sat-Chit-Ananda which means Existence-Consciousness-Bliss. These are not three words but one word represented by a conjunction of three words as there is no single word that can express the meaning fully. What it means is that the essence of the Self is pure and absolute Existence, Consciousness and Bliss. Pure and absolute Existence implies that its not existence of a particular thing or existence dependent on something, but Existence in itself which is the ground for existence of all things. Pure and absolute Consciousness implies that its not a particular conscious being or consciousness of a particular thing, but Consciousness in itself which is the ground for all types of conscious activities. Pure and absolute Bliss implies that its not a particular type of nice feeling, but Bliss in itself which is the ground for all types of positive feelings (like happiness, joy, peace, etc.). Moreover, all three i.e. Existence, Consciousness and Bliss, go together at all times and are not disjoint.

So, your real Self is not a particular entity that is existing, conscious and blissful, but is Existence-Consciousness-Bliss itself in its purest and absolute sense.

If this sounds vague to you, you are not alone. As mentioned above, who or what you really are is indescribable in words, so these words are only indicative in nature. You need to experience your true Self internally and then only will you really know who you are. But here’s why it atleast makes sense for the Self to be Existence-Consciousness-Bliss:

Let’s take up Consciousness first. Existence and Bliss will follow through. Consider any day-to-day experience, like looking at something. The light reflected from an object enters your eyes and falls on your retina that generates neuro-signals which travel through your optical nerves and result in some bio-electro-chemical activity in your brain that is somehow interpreted as a visual scene within your consciousness. What you see is not the sub-atomic particles that make-up the object, nor the light particles, nor the neuro-signals, nor the bio-electro-chemical activities in the brain, but something quite different from the materials involved in the whole process – a 3D image with different colors and brightness. Same thing happens when you are listening to something – the surround sound that you experience is quite different from the materials involved in the hearing process. In fact, your experience of anything – whether its physical or mental – is always of a construct in your consciousness and never of the matter involved directly. Actually matter and consciousness are so intrinsically different that its impossible for them to interact with each other. Hence, what we think of as matter is also nothing but a construct in consciousness that just seems to have matter-like properties. Even the concept of your own body-mind that you refer to as yourself is also nothing but a construct in consciousness.

If you are having a problem in understanding what consciousness means, try this: Say someone creates a robot, an android, that is designed to look and behave exactly like you. Its been programmed to act, speak and even think like you. The way you talk/walk/sit/stand, your skin, your hair, your features, your expressions, everything being exactly the same. So much so that no one will ever be able to tell apart any difference between the android and you. Even after all this there will still be one key difference between the android and you – the inner subjective experience of being you. Its only present in you and will be absent in the robot. This is consciousness.

Its important to note that this is not “your” consciousness as by “your” you mean your body-mind, and its not that consciousness is within the body-mind but the body-mind is appearing within consciousness. What you call as “your” consciousness is only a “reflection” of this consciousness in your mind, but consciousness itself is not dependent on the existence of yours or anyone else’s mind. This is the pure and absolute Consciousness. Its also pure and absolute Existence since its the only entity that exists and everything – you, others, the whole world, the whole universe – simply seems to appear in it making it the ground of all existence. Its also pure and absolute Bliss as nothing else exists that it would be in any form of conflict with.

This pure and absolute Existence-Consciousness-Bliss, which enlightened people say is also infinite and eternal, is what you and everything really is.

If you are an intelligent living being, the foremost thing to know in life is who or what you really are and then live life accordingly. An intellectual understanding of it is a good beginning but not the end. You need to resolve all doubts and get a firm conviction that what is being explained makes complete sense. No matter what your questions are, there are answers to all of them and the best answers come from within. This technique of Self-realization has been practiced successfully by people for thousands of years and is only going strong. All possible questions have been asked and answered in multiple ways. Once you get a firm conviction, you need to make it a living reality which is only possible through meticulous spiritual practice. The benefits of doing this are tremendous – both while you are on the journey as well as when you reach the goal. All miseries and sufferings in life pertain to the body-mind and the conflict that arises because of its separation from others. When you realize you are not the body-mind but pure and absolute Existence-Consciousness-Bliss, the only entity that really exists, and that is infinite and eternal, all miseries and sufferings will evaporate and you will reach a state of unlimited permanent bliss!

(This article was cross-posted from happinessjourney.net/post/153070581415/who-are-you-really)

10 Nov

Post Election Prayer

This is a prayer that is featured in my book “Bhakti: 108 Prayers of Devotion” – I think it is appropriate for what a lot of us are feeling right now. It applies to many situations. I keep reminding myself: “God’s got this.” It’s very comforting.

Dear God,

I’m glad You’re in charge.

Sometimes things don’t go the way I’d like them to go,

Or the way I think they should go.

And I feel frustrated, or hurt, or disappointed.

But then I remember You’re in charge. I remember that You have a plan.

I remember that however things “seem” to be – is probably not how they really are.

It is comforting knowing that I don’t have to exhaust myself

Trying to make things different.

Because I trust that You have it covered.

I might forget, and get stressed out.

So when I forget, please remind me.

There are so many ways you are present in my life.

Open my eyes to beauty. Open my heart to joy.

Grant me patience, and peace, understanding and acceptance.

I can’t control everything. And I really don’t want to.

So I’ll just leave it to You.

I’ll just let go, and let You do your thing.

Thanks.

Amen.

10 Nov

Post Election Traumatic Stress Disorder

Teri Williams
Advice, Blog, Happiness, Spirituality

PETSD – I’ts real!

By Teri Williams

ballots Over the last 90 days we, as a country, have experienced more election stress than I have ever witnessed. Personally, I have heard close friends and family members resort to vile language and physical intimidation tactics to get their point across. It has triggered a gamut of emotional responses from my own past traumas and includes the awareness of the traumatic experiences of my ancestors.

Now that the election is over, we face a new kind of stress – Post Election Traumatic Stress Disorder. Wherever you sit along the party lines you have felt the uneasiness of this unprecedented election.

What is stress? Stress is change and because everything is always changing and moving, we feel stress on a regular basis. Simply put stress is our response, physically, spiritually and emotionally, to certain changes that happen in day to day life. Sometimes it’s good stress and sometimes it’s bad stress. When those changes are extreme and prolonged, fearful and painful, it can be deadly.

For many of us this campaign seemed to create feelings of anger, deep seated anger, confusion, divisiveness, fear, and anxiety. It doesn’t’ stop there. Many have experienced physical symptoms, as well: restlessness, insomnia, that literal “knot” in your stomach, even headaches.

When working properly, stress helps you stay focused, energetic, and alert. In emergency situations, stress can save your life – giving you extra strength to defend yourself, for example, or spurring you to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident.

What can you do now that the election is over if you are experiencing any symptoms of PETSD?

GET HELP!

The best way to manage stress is to avoid it. Since that is not always an option there are a wide range of tools available to help manage it, to take control of it, including: psychotherapy, drugs, meditation, and exercise.

When help isn’t immediate, here are 7 basic Stress relievers that you can include in your life now:

Lean into it – Take one small step, then another. Each baby step leads to successfully reducing stress.
Meditation/Mindfulness – begin a practice, even if only for a few minutes at a time. Simply start with a few deep breaths whenever you are feeling anxious or out of sorts. Think of something or someone that brings you joy.
Exercise – walk, jog, do yoga, hit the gym, dance – whatever it is that causes your body to move. Studies have shown that 30 minutes of walking a day can not only reduce stress levels, it can help lower high blood pressure, weight loss and more.
Healthy foods – feed your body, mind and soul the foods that support your overall well-being. Pay attention to when something you eat isn’t sustaining you.
Learn something new – Unsure of what’s happening around you, how is it affecting you? Get a mentor, develop your intuition, take a class, and act.
Give back – We all want the same basic things in life. Be a leader by helping someone else through change. You might be surprised at how it changes your own life.
Soul Retrieval – Soul Retrieval is a shamanic spiritual practice that fosters healing of soul loss. Soul loss can occur whenever we experience trauma.

These techniques, and many others, can easily be incorporated into your life right NOW. When practiced on a regular basis, they can seriously reduce feelings of PTESD or any stressors.

For more information on meditation and healthy eating, or to schedule a soul session visit: SoulcialLiving.com.

27 Oct

What Do You Refuse to Accept?

As an anti-bullying campaigner, I often speak to kids (and adults alike), who tell me about the challenges they face when they are getting bullied.

This article is not about bullying. Instead, let’s focus on something simple that is available to humans – the ability to choose.

We can either choose to accept something or refuse something.

Let me share a story with you. About four months ago, I received an email from a lady whose daughter was getting bullied at school. This child was 11 years young at the time.

Without going too much into detail about what the child was going through at school (due to respect for her privacy), I can share with you some of the things that worked for her in her quest to overcome bullying.
One of the things that I suggested to her was what I called “The Morning Mirror Work”.

My suggestion to her was to look in the mirror every morning and repeat – “I refuse to accept what the bullies say about me. I refuse to accept what they think about me. I refuse to accept their negativity. Instead, I choose to own my uniqueness. I choose to see the talents and abilities in me. I choose to give myself more love/positivity/care”.

Now, some people might think that simply saying these words won’t change her circumstances.

Yes, I agree with that. However, by simply saying these words, it will change the way that she thinks (which will change the way she feels. And then, change the way she acts).

The reason for sharing this story with you was to illustrate the realisation of the liberty that we have when it comes to choosing what we accept and what we refuse.

When I was delivering coaching sessions for staff in the corporate sector, I came across a young woman who had chosen to accept some of the belittling comments that certain people around them were making to her.

She had excelled academically, and somehow could not replicate that excellence in the workplace.

Her family continued to tell her that she was in the wrong vocation. They felt that she would be better suited to another industry, instead of being a white collar professional in the corporate sector.

Neither of her parents were in the corporate sector, and wished that she did something that would serve society better. Her dad wanted her to be a nurse, and her mum wanted her to be a teacher.

Every time she would tell her parents about the challenges in meeting her professional goals in the corporate sector, they would reply with comments along the lines of “See, we told you that you were not made for this job.”

She loved what she did, and wanted to excel in her current role.

When we broke it down, it was clear that she had been carrying what her family was projecting onto her.

What did we do? We worked out a way to emotionally and mentally release her from owning what her parents were projecting onto her.

I asked her to make a comprehensive list of why she wants to stay in her current role.

Followed by, another comprehensive list of why she must excel in her current role.

Finally, I asked her to make this her daily mantra – “I refuse to accept that I will not excel in this role. I refuse to accept the negativity that others project upon me. I choose to achieve my goals in this role. I am worthy of being here. I make a positive impact on this organisation and its stakeholders. I am by far the best fit for this role. No one can fill this role better than me. No one!”

I am currently reading a book that was published in 1959. It is called The Magic Of Thinking Big, by Dr David J. Schwartz.

In that book, the author talks about a car salesman who would make cold calls to prospects for two hours daily.

His phone calls were always productive on Mondays because they had a sales meeting every Monday morning.

In that meeting, the sales manager would give his subordinates a pep talk and pump them up.

For the remainder of the week, his cold calls were not as productive.

He then decided to go inside a car every morning and give himself a pep talk in which he would say “I’m a good car salesman and I’m going to be the best. I give good deals. The people that I am phoning need good cars and I will give it to them”.

His productivity increased.

In an article titled “The Choice Is Yours”, the late Dr Susan Jeffers said “When we focus on what’s wrong, when we let our fear of it take away our power, we lose any chance of making a change for the better.”

My call to action for you is this – Every day, make a mental list of:

Whom I will listen to, and whom I won’t.
What I will say to myself, and what I won’t.
What I will do today, and what I won’t.

Quote: “There is no-one else in the world who can do what you do the way you do it. It’s time to tell the world why that matters.” Mike Lipkin

The choice to refuse to accept, or agree to accept the words (and meanings attached to those words) that go into your ears is all yours. I sincerely hope that you choose them sagely.

Inspiring you towards your excellence,
Ron

05 Oct

AstroNumerology

Guest Bloggers
Advice, Happiness, Lifestyle, Money, Spirituality

By Jesse Kalsi

“Numbers are alive and are represented by planetary energy. They have a direct impact on our success, health, happiness and prosperity.”

There are several different kinds of numerology; each has its particular strengths. However, even the best system is worthless without clear and consistent interpretation relative to the issues at hand. With clarity, insight, and compassion Jesse has consulted with individuals regarding their personal and business lives.

I use the term “AstroNumerology” because I associate numbers with planets, which are astronomical bodies. AstroNumerology is not about adding numbers up; it is about looking at each individual number, since each represents a particular planet, and considering the totality of the number’s own “planetary system.” Each planet is further associated with different precious & semi-precious gems, colors, and the basic relationships of planets within the Solar System.

Adding a certain number to improve a vibration for a home or business (“patching”)* is like adding the energy of another planet to a home or business. Most homes or businesses are patched very specifically, based on the type of business or the date(s) of birth and names(s) of the person(s) living in the residence. In the Vedic tradition, numbers are also related to the four elements, which correspond to the cardinal points. Since I grew up in India, I was surrounded by Vedic traditions, including Vedic numerology. However, I use the following correspondences between numbers and planets:

The Sun
The Moon
Jupiter
Uranus
Mercury
Venus
Neptune
Saturn
Mars

Many traditional Vedic numerologists just add numbers up until they achieve a single-digit result and work with the characteristics only of that number. A home address of 2733 would thus be 2+7+3+3 or 15, then 1+5, or 6. The Vedic numerologist would then consult on the characteristics of the number 6 with the client. However, AstroNumerology takes all the planetary energies present in an address into account. Using the same home address, we see that 2733 has the Moon, followed by Neptune, followed by two Jupiter’s. These planets move about each other in a Venus vibration. All five of these planets (remember, two Jupiter’s!) must be considered.

Let’s look at a well-known address: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, D.C. Many traditional Vedic numerologist would add this up to a 7 (1+6+0+0) and consult with the client about the number 7 alone. In AstroNumerology, the number 1600 represents the Sun and Venus moving about each other in a Neptune vibration. The two zeroes amplify, for better or for worse, the energies represented by all three planets. The Sun and Venus together on a home address have a discordant energy. This combination also brings in confusion, deception, and miscommunication. One must be careful while close to a fire, whether in a fireplace or the kitchen, because accidents could easily happen near the flames.

If 1600 were a business address, it could be extremely profitable, depending on the kind of business. Food, music, and technology are three business’ which could flourish in such a number. Unfortunately, diplomacy and policy are not enterprises that flourish in this vibration, as many United States Presidents have discovered to their dismay. The number 1600 is also destructive of personal reputations and personal growth.

The Power Of Home Numbers

“Our old house was smaller, but much happier than this one. My husband’s job was more fulfilling and our children were joyful. We moved to this house, and…what happened?”

This question and others have been posed to Jesse Kalsi over the past two decades. His experiences in helping people improve the relationships under their roof are outlined in The Power of Home Numbers.

The Power of Home Numbers is a unique presentation of how your date of birth, home address, and name work (or don’t) in your favor. Moving to a “better” house can sometimes backfire in unexpected ways.

A favorable residential address can bring family peace, harmonious relationships, and long-lasting partnerships with good neighbors. An unfavorable residential address can have multiple negative effects: health consequences, financial stress, family disruption….

Drawing on Eastern and Western numerological traditions, Mr. Kalsi explains the energies of the numbers 1 through 9, discusses the significance of 0, and presents numbers as they appear in residential addresses. Each number signifies a specific planet, e.g., 6 represents Venus; thus, an address including a 6 involves the relationships of the resident(s) with Venus. This system, “AstroNumerology,” is used for business success by professional athletes, businesspeople, and celebrities in the media world.

The Power of Home Numbers analyzes combinations of birthdates and personal names, residential addresses, and their planetary energy so that the reader becomes aware of their inter-connection. Where an address is unfavorably aspected, Mr. Kalsi explains how he has used Number Patching™ to elevate the resonance of the address.

All analyses preserve the privacy of involved individuals; the only true names are in the chapters involving world affairs.

To understand why things are perhaps not working as well in your current home as they did in a previous dwelling, look to The Power of Home Numbers for enlightenment.

Business Naming

In addition to the home numbers being in tune with the occupants (the subject of my first book), it is extremely important that the business name vibrations be in sync with the owner’s name and the business address, based on the owner’s personal energy. In my experience, I have realized that these two vibrations – name and home – must vibrate positively for success and prosperity. Precious gems like blue sapphire, ruby, diamond, yellow sapphire, cat’s eye, pearl, amethyst, red coral, and emerald can also be used to bring good luck and more opportunities based on the owner’s personal energy.

Besides home numbers, name numbers, and the use of gems, bank account numbers to draw the energy of wealth, telephone numbers to bring positive information, and car registration numbers are some other examples that should be considered very carefully. Numbers correspond with colors, too: by knowing one’s basic numerology, the right colors can be used to enhance the well-being and draw the right spiritual energy.

It is also extremely important that the energy of homes be cleared on a regular basis. Many techniques, like burning sage, repainting the interior, removing old drapes, and dowsing, help in keeping the numbers vibrating positively.

Business Name Changes

The success of a business is greatly dependent on the business’s name with the right numerological vibration and a positive business address. Different kinds of businesses have different kinds of energy; for example, a food business works well with the Moon (#2) and Neptune (#7), real estate with Saturn (#8), and communications and the media with Mercury (#5). It is also extremely important that the business be born at an auspicious astrological time.

Numbers play a very important part in the buying and selling of real estate. Having been in the real estate business myself for 15 years, I have realized that certain numerologies always pull money while other numbers constantly drain cash and bring health challenges and other personal problems.

The name “Microsoft” has the energy of Jupiter, the largest planet, the energy of wealth and expansion; an excellent name that has brought Microsoft financial success and a huge global presence. The address (One Microsoft Way) and Bill Gates’ date of birth (October 28, 1955) work to the great advantage of Microsoft. There couldn’t be a better combination than the #1 and #4 coming together here: #4 and #1 act like a mirror image of each other. The Sun + Uranus are magical.

Apple, at 1 Infinite Loop, Cupertino, CA, is represented by the mighty Sun (the #1 in the street address) and by Neptune (#7 represented in the name “Apple”), a very mysterious kind of planetary energy. The Sun and Neptune flow in harmony; they’re very compatible energies, and this is one of the many reasons Apple has become a global company. For additional Sun influence, one need only look to Steve Jobs’ date of birth-February 24, 1955-and see that it’s an additional Sun-influenced day. Two Suns working together bring the success Apple has experienced, in harmony with its name.

The Importance of Jersey Numbers in Sports

Over the years, I’ve observed that jersey numbers vibrate very powerfully for the players who wear them. These numbers need to be in sync with the players’ names and dates of birth for the player to maximize his potential for success.

In India, where cricket is a huge interest and players also wear player numbers, numerologists are consulted before a player is assigned a number. This is because the number must vibrate with the player’s personal energies. Even in individual sports (for example, tennis or golf), an athlete’s date of birth and publicly known name will vibrate either to help or hinder the athlete.

In June 2005, NFL running back Clinton Portis agreed to pay $18,000 to former Washington Redskins teammate Ifeanyi Ohalete to avoid a trial between the two players. When Portis had been traded to the Redskins by the Denver Broncos in 2004, he wanted jersey number 26, which he had worn for two seasons at Denver. However, Ohalete was already wearing 26 for the Redskins. After discussions, the two players agreed that Ohalete would give Portis the number 26 in exchange for $40,000 and would wear number 30 instead. Clearly, jersey numbers mean a lot to their wearers!

About the Author

Jesse Kalsi is a world-renowned numerologist. He specializes in residential, business, and sports numerology and provides valuable insight on the power of numbers and how they affect our lives. In his book, The Power of Home Numbers, he combines his Eastern upbringing with his Western experience to bring awareness and understanding of this phenomenon.

Over the past 20+ years, Jesse has consulted thousands of people and affected their lives positively. His clients include prominent business people and extremely successful communication and entertainment companies. Jesse Kalsi has appeared on many radio and television shows in the U.S., and his unique perspective on Numerology has amazed his audience. He lives in Northern California with his family.

More information is available at http://www.jessekalsi.com.

30 Sep

Improve your self-esteem with spirituality and prayer

By Kay Christy

Self-esteem is subjective. We each determine for ourselves our self-worth. This is the good news and the bad news. Since this is a personal judgment based on our own assessment, we can change it at any time. Because it is our own assessment, we also create a groove of thought that is both positive and negative, which is similar to how a vinyl record plays with a needle in the groove.

This personal groove of thought is where I found myself wanting relief and change. I desperately wanted to create something that would lay a new pathway in my brain and change the record that played endlessly in the back of my head because of addiction. I was constantly saying to myself that I was not good enough, too large and not right. At my core, I was not loveable and I felt trapped by my negativity. These negative thoughts played over and over on repeat like how I used to play the Moody Blues song, “Nights in White Satin” on my 1970s record player.

There are many writers and inspirational speakers who talk about creative visualization. How using affirmations and positive thinking are intended to improve self-esteem, self-worth and self-perception. I researched, read and practiced. I referenced the writings of Louise Hay, Norman Vincent Peale, Wayne Dyer, Shakti Gawain and Marianne Williamson. These authors taught me a new song to sing and a new record to play. They allowed me to focuses on statements that would improve my self-confidence. I thought of ideas such as how the power and potential of self-esteem could be gleaned from positive thinking.

I understood the concepts quickly, but had trouble incorporating them into my daily life. In the years of my early recovery, I used the book “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron as a writing guide. In the journaling process of morning pages, I would write messages to myself. Simple sentences like – everything is just right. God has my worries taken care of. The universe loves you. Today I am in recovery. Next, I started writing these phrases on small cards and putting them in places where I would see them throughout my day. They were taped to mirrors, on the refrigerator, the dashboard of my car and inside my wallet. Everywhere I looked, I was helpfully reminded of new ways to train my brain. I used this same technique when I learned automatic writing to soothe my troublesome thoughts.

Within the rooms of the 12-step world of recovery, I felt understood. I learned that prayer could heal emotional and physical afflictions as well as self-loathing. I learned that I could feel love and compassion for myself and others. I learned the power of surrender and what it feels like to completely release fear in my daily life. This was extremely beneficial for my self-esteem.

My journal writing progressed to a daily spiritual practice and I began to experiment with automatic writing where I used my non-dominant hand and let my inner voices of spirit direct my words.

In the beginning, I didn’t know what to call the written pieces. They were journal entries, yet a bit like poems. They were affirmations, yet something different. Calling them prayers seemed right. I used them in the way I had used the serenity prayer when I first discovering a life without alcohol and drugs. I realized my mother used verses from the Bible to comfort herself. My father used the affirmations of Norman Vincent Peale as his thought director. It was all fitting together for me. This helped me to keep writing and I felt happier and stronger.

When I pray, my thoughts shift to positivity and calm, which greatly enhances my day. My life becomes easier. At some point, I stopped attempting to figure things out myself and surrendered to the truth of it. I now feel better about myself as well as the world that surrounds me. I can see possibilities that used to elude me. I now feel more hopeful everyday and have inspiration to share with others. For me, that is enough. I am complete. I am whole. I am love.

As I was writing this guest article for the Coffey Talk blog, I asked my internal guidance system to offer a prayer to go with the tagline: Ancient Wisdom. Modern Style. Here is what I wrote for the Coffey Talk readers…

Ancient Wisdom

The elders gather to chant our names

there is drumming and food

laughter and fire.

We are held

and blessed

and washed clean in this highest space

Know this today in your modern world

They gather for us

The ancestor’s guide

The angels sing our praise

The spirits stand guard

We are whole

unique

and free

Know this today and each day forward.

About the Author

Kay Christy is the author of “Gifts from Guidance” and a life coach who has been in recovery for more than 30 years. She received a bachelor’s degree in business from The Evergreen State College and a master’s degree in behavioral science from City University of Seattle. She resides in Olympia, Wash.

30 Sep

Six Ways My Pup Helps Me to Live Mindfully

BY Shannon Kopp

She wakes me up early

Bella and I share a pillow at night, her head in front of my mine, the small curve of her back pressed against my chest, her soft ear brushing against my chin. She’s a cream-colored, Poodle/Terrier mix who looks part dog, part teddy bear. Bella sleeps in my arms and wakes up in them, too — and sometimes, her urge to play at six a.m. is as intense as my urge for morning coffee.

Quite suddenly, she wakes up, stands on my head, and then jumps off the bed. She pounces on a squeaker toy or a lonely sock, charging from one side of the room to the other until I finally get out of bed. I never appreciate her enthusiasm at the time, but later, I’m thankful for it.

If you want to meditate in the morning, it’s good to be awake.

She teaches me the art of simplicity

I have so many books on meditation I hardly know what to do with myself. My inbox is full of Present Moment Reminders from Eckhart Tolle, and notifications from Oprah and Deepak’s meditation series, and mindfulness emails from the yoga studio down the street, and monthly updates from my local Transcendental Meditation Center. I’m the one that signed up for these things, and I’m glad I did, but sometimes I get so overwhelmed by all of my options I do nothing at all.

Bella does not believe in multi-tasking. She gives each activity her full awareness, whether that’s chewing on a bone, greeting a dog, bathing in sunlight. If she had a mantra, it would be the same one you see on the walls of 12 step meetings: “Keep it simple.” (“And play as often as possible!” Bella might add.)

She sees the world with fresh eyes

When Bella and I go for walks around the neighborhood, she walks as far ahead of me as possible on the leash, and finds so much pleasure in the same route we take each day. She is a master of spotting and celebrating the newness of things, a flower in bloom, a different scent in the sky, an ant crawling across the sidewalk.

Rather than being lost in thought, her eyes sharpen to the present moment, and she notices the faintest of sounds, the tiniest of flowers and bugs. She stops to investigate all of it, never in a hurry. And sometimes, if I pay enough attention to her, this world becomes fresh for me again, too.

She takes care of her body

When Bella is hungry, she eats. When she is tired, she sleeps. When she is thirsty, she laps up her water. Her thoughts have not disconnected her from her body, and she naturally takes care of it. She doesn’t overwork herself or starve herself or stay up all night jacked on coffee. She respects her tiny being, her precious life, — without even realizing she is doing so. And sometimes watching her take care of herself is the gentle nudge I need to put my computer down and eat breakfast. To go to bed. To take a deep, conscious breathe. To pause and ask my heart, body, and mind what it needs.

She brings me back to the moment

I still frequently fall back into old but familiar thought patterns: harshness, perfectionism, anxiety. I hear the voice of my alcoholic father screaming when I was a child, or the rigidity that imprisoned me during the eight years I suffered from an eating disorder, and it makes me believe that peace is impossible. Maybe I should just give up already.

But then, this nonjudgemental, loving presence climbs into my lap. Bella loves me no matter how enlightened or unenlightened I am. She pays no attention to the pessimist or the worrier in me, and she doesn’t define me with the same limiting labels I use to define myself. When I hold her and look into her beady eyes, my heart calms, my awareness increases, and my seemingly inescapable problems fade into the background. I experience the here and now: Bella’s soft pant, the swish of her tail, the grassy scent of her fur, the air moving in and out of her lungs and mine.

She is soft-hearted

Bella is soft-hearted, meaning she doesn’t wear some kind of armor around her heart to protect her from feeling. She doesn’t numb her pain with addiction, or feel the pressure to wear a “brave” face over her real, authentic one. Bella will never tell you she is “fine” or everything is “great” when it is not. Instead, she’ll tell you exactly what she’ is experiencing with the language of her body. She’ll tremble if she’s scared. She’ll leap into your arms if she wants affection. She’ll cry if she’s in pain. She doesn’t try to rationalize or justify what she’ is feeling;, she releases that emotion in the moment. And it reminds me to do the same.

27 Sep

Is Winning Everything?

In this day and age, “winning” seems to be overemphasised in almost every part of our lives.

Think about it – in sports, it’s all about winning. In sales, it’s all about winning the sale.

Is winning everything?

The legendary Vince Lombardi once said “Winning is not everything. It’s the only thing”.

That quote seems to be taken the wrong way in some cases.

Sure, for a very accomplished sports coach like him, he had to focus on winning.

Some people take that quote as saying that you must win at any cost. Hence, they can resort to doing unethical things in order to win. We see examples of this whenever an elite athlete is tested positive for banned substances.

In an article in the Huffington Post, Cathy Byrd said “Sometimes the greater lesson lies in falling down and getting back up again with a smile on your face”.

I remember watching the Olympic games a few weeks ago (Rio 2016). A hurdler from Haiti, by the name of Jeffrey Julmis hit the first hurdle in a men’s 110 metre hurdles heat. He fell to the ground, got up, and slowly finished the race. The crowd gave him a bigger applause than they gave to the winner of that race!

Cathy Byrd’s above mentioned quote perfectly sums up the scenario that Jeffrey Julmis was in.

I used to get disappointed when I didn’t win or place in speech contests. Let me share an example with you.

In November, 2011, I was in a speech contest. There were 6 contests, and I drew the first speaker’s spot. As soon as I started speaking, a massive storm hit. The rain made a deafening sound, and people at the back of the room could barely hear me.

As soon as my speech finished, the storm had passed. The remaining 5 speakers had no background noise.

I came third in that contest and was devastated. People were coming up to me and telling me how much they loved the message in my speech, and they wanted me to win. Yet, some of the judges could barely hear me due to the heavy rain.

Upon getting home that night, I decided to quit competing. What a mistake that would’ve been.

The next morning, I changed my decision and decided to work harder. If it rained heavily again, perhaps, I will tell the chairperson that the background noise is too distracting.

The focus shifted on the impact that the message of the speech made, and away from where I finished on the podium.

In the final year of high school, I was in the state division final of the 400 metres and 800 metres race in athletics. During the 400 metres race, I was leading all the way, and fell to the ground only inches away from the finishing line. Thankfully, I dragged my body across the line but the boy was who behind me beat me to the finishing line. I came second.

That day, I felt like I was so close to being a winner. It was all there for me, and it got taken away from me at the last minute. The boy who won the race, offered me his hand and helped me to get up. It was such a humble display of sportsmanship that the crowd cheered and clapped as he lifted me up. That to me, was worth more than winning.

We often hear quotes like “Do you remember who came second at this particular Olympics event? Neither do I. No one remembers the runner up. We only remember winners.”

These types of quotes only focus on what others think, feel, or do, while totally ignoring the person in question ie. the person who came second.

Can you imagine the growth and development that the second place getter would have experienced in achieving what he/she achieved?

Winning is a very sound goal to have in mind. That said, it should not become everything that matters to you.

When everything depends on winning, that is when your attitude can become dangerous.

Dangerous in the sense that you can become tunnel visioned and only focus on one thing, while totally ignoring everything good that is happening and will happen even if you don’t win.

I teach kids at a mixed martial arts academy. Some of their parents take their kids to a competition with the attitude of “If my child doesn’t win today, it is the trainer’s fault”.

Then they will argue with the trainer and threaten to take their son/daughter to another academy or gym.

I often ask these parents “What would it mean to your child if you acknowledge and express gratitude towards everything that your child has achieved so far?”

That definitely gives them something to think about.

There should be as much celebration in growth and development as there is in winning.

The next time you are competing in something or are working hard to win something, please remind yourself of the following:

What can I do with what I have if I don’t win?
What will I gain as a result of this effort?
What will I become as a result of this effort?
What will I be telling people around me, about me as a result of my attitude/response if I don’t win?

Quote: “Don’t worry your life away waiting for the elusive prize at journey’s end. The journey is the prize.”
Marsha Mercan

Be prepared to win, work hard to win, and expect the best (whatever that might be).

Inspiring you towards your excellence,
Ron

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