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31 Dec

The Sandwich Generation

My dad is 82 years old. He’s always been healthy, active, and proud of his youthful good looks. He lives in an “over 55” community and he’s happy to be the go-to guy whenever anyone needs assistance. He works out in the gym there, and often coaches the other residents with their weight lifting. The golf course is his backyard, and he walks it every day, sometimes for a game and sometimes just to meet up with friends and shoot the breeze. Saturday nights are reserved for the community dances, and he has a lovely partner in his girlfriend Joyce. Life in retirement was about as good as it gets for my dad – until about 3 weeks ago when he had a stroke. Now, this suave and savvy senior citizen is in an acute rehabilitation facility. He’s sad, and vulnerable, and struggling to get back to his former self. His left side was compromised, he’s lost a lot of mobility, some hearing, and short term memory. It is difficult to see him like this. I know that 82 is “old” and this is to be expected at this age – but it’s just so unlike the dad I’ve known my whole life. He tried to pretend that he’s all right – he even jokes that he’s “all right” with the loss of his left side – but we know better. We can see it in his face. He’s scared. And I don’t blame him. My brother and sister and I have been looking at assisted living facilities for my dad. It’s hard to take him away from Leisure Village, a place he loves so much, but he needs more care. He just can’t live on his own anymore. I know that wherever he goes he’ll make friends fast – that’s just the way he is. But it’s a big change for all of us. And now I have entered the ranks of the sandwich generation – those who are caring for their children and their parents at the same time. I know that somehow everything will be okay. I love my dad so much and I just want him to be happy, and comfortable. He’s a great guy, and as scary as this all is, he’s taking it really well.

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31 Dec

Babies in the Backyard

Our backyard has turned into a menagerie. Spring has sprung and then-some around here! Greg has made a sanctuary for the squirrels, bunnies, hummingbirds and assorted songbirds that come around for the food he puts out for everyone everyday. It’s truly wonderful to sit outside and be entertained by the wildlife! They have become our friends, and they are a real reminder of how precious, and robust, life really is. A few weeks ago we were having a balmy evening and I was reading in the bedroom with the sliding glass door open. Brian, my almost-16 year old, came in to give me some of his news of the day when he heard a spash in the pool. I figured it was just the ducks, a mallard couple who comes around to take a dip every now and again, and let it go. But Brian was curious and went outside to investigate. Thank goodness he did! In the pool he found a baby bunny trying desperately to swim. He sprang into action, grabbed the pool scoop, and scooped that little guy up to safety. My hero! I brought out a towel and wrapped this sweet little thing up. He was shivvering, and scared. I stroked him and tried to reassure him as best as I could. He could fit in the palm of my hand he was so tiny! Once he was dry and calm we let him loose again in the yard, far away from the swimming pool! We often see the whole family, mom and dad, and two little babies, munching on grass and frolicking on the lawn. It’s amazing to watch the little ones grow, and I get nervous when they hop inside the pool fence! We also have a squirrel family to keep us company. Greg has named the mama squirrel “Nadia” after Nadia Comaneche because she is such an acrobat. Her husband’s name is Bart, of course! They have two little sons whom Greg has dubbed Fatso and Loco. Fatso runs to Greg’s office door for peanuts, and Loco does flips for no apparent reason other than to entertain himself! And then right outside our bedroom window a mama Mourning Dove has made her nest. According to my dad, Mourning Doves are notoriously bad nest-makers, so they try to find a place that’s convenient. We have a hanging plant in a wicker basket there, so it looks like one big nest, and that’s where she has made her home. This is the third year we’ve seen her there, but this is the first year we’ve seen her with babies. She patiently sat there, day after day, and we peaked in on her to make sure she was okay. Finally we could see little pin feathers under her, and one day we could see a little baby bird face looking back at us. When mama went off to get food at one point, we found two precious little birdies, side by side. We didn’t see much of them after that, mama kept them close, staying right on top of them to keep them warm. But one day, when she was off again, Greg peaked in to see that one of the babies had died. We were so sad. I felt so bad for that little mama who cared so much for her little ones. I don’t know why these things happen, just something about nature, no matter the species. Mama is still there with her one little bird, and he’s growing bigger every day. His feathers are coming out, and he’s almost as big as his mom. He’ll fly out of his safe nest soon, and be on his way. I think of how Freddy just graduated from high school, and how he’s leaving home to go off to college. They grow up so quickly!

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