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31 Dec

AACTA Nominees

This just in from Australians in Film:

AUSTRALIAN ACADEMY OF CINEMA AND TELEVISION ARTS ANNOUNCES NOMINEES FOR
3RD AACTA INTERNATIONAL AWARDS
AMERICAN HUSTLE and 12 YEARS A SLAVE lead the way, orbited by GRAVITY, CAPTAIN PHILLIPS and BLUE JASMINE The Australian Academy of Cinema and Television Arts (AACTA) announced the names of 35 nominees in the 3rd AACTA International Awards seven categories: Best Film, Best Direction, Best Screenplay, Best Lead Actor, Best Lead Actress, Best Supporting Actor and Best Supporting Actress. Of the 15 films recognised, AMERICAN HUSTLE dominated as the only production to receive a nomination in every category, with 12 YEARS A SLAVE running a close second; receiving nominations in each Award category bar one. CAPTAIN PHILLIPS and GRAVITY each received three nominations, including both Best Film and Best Direction. BLUE JASMINE also received three nominations, with THE GREAT GATSBY, DALLAS BUYERS CLUB and AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY accruing two nominations each. Damian Trewhella, AACTA CEO, said of the announcement, Australian performers and practitioners are consistently acknowledged as among the world’s best screen talent by international screen organisations such as AMPAS and BAFTA. It is vital that the Australian screen industry participates in this global conversation and has an opportunity to recognise the talents of both local and international peers through the Australian Academy’s International Awards. Each year our AACTA International Chapter votes to award the season’s most accomplished performers and practitioners and, as always, it’s fascinating to observe the consensus and the distinction amongst the perspectives of the Australian screen industry and that of their international counterparts, said Mr Trewhella. This year’s AACTA International Awards Best Actress nominees include awards season favourite Cate Blanchett for her much lauded performance as Jasmine in BLUE JASMINE. In the Best Supporting Actor category Geoffrey Rush has been nominated for his performance as Hans Hubermann in THE BOOK THIEF, as has Joel Edgerton for his modern portrayal of Tom Buchanan in Baz Luhrmann’s THE GREAT GATSBY. Other Australian nominees include Baz Luhrmann for Best Direction (THE GREAT GATSBY) and Sue Smith for Best Screenplay (SAVING MR. BANKS). Alongside nominated Australian talent are noted performances by Leonardo DiCaprio as Jordan Belfort in the THE WOLF OF WALL STREET and Matthew McConaughey as Ron Woodroof in DALLAS BUYERS CLUB, both nominated in the Best Lead Actor category. Judi Dench (PHILOMENA) and Sandra Bullock (GRAVITY) both received nominations in the Best Lead Actress category and Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts were both acknowledged for their work in AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY. The AACTA International Awards are held annually in Los Angeles and recognise film excellence regardless of geography. The Awards are determined by the AACTA International Chapter, which is comprised of over 80 of Australia’s most recognised filmmakers and executives who vote across seven categories: Best Film, Best Direction, Best Screenplay, Best Lead Actor, Best Lead Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress. The winners of the 3rd AACTA International Awards will be announced at an invite only event in Los Angeles on Friday January 10th, 2014. The event will be televised on Foxtel’s Arena on Sunday January 12th, 2014 in Australia.
 
THE 3RD AACTA INTERNATIONAL AWARDS NOMINEES ARE: AACTA INTERNATIONAL AWARD FOR BEST FILM
12 YEARS A SLAVE
AMERICAN HUSTLE
CAPTAIN PHILLIPS
GRAVITY
RUSH AACTA INTERNATIONAL AWARD FOR BEST DIRECTION
12 YEARS A SLAVE  – Steve McQueen
AMERICAN HUSTLE – David O. Russell
CAPTAIN PHILLIPS – Paul Greengrass
GRAVITY – Alfonso Cuaron
THE GREAT GATSBY – Baz Luhrmann AACTA INTERNATIONAL AWARD FOR BEST SCREENPLAY
12 YEARS A SLAVE – John Ridley
AMERICAN HUSTLE – Eric Warren Singer, David O. Russell
BLUE JASMINE – Woody Allen
INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS – Joel Coen, Ethan Coen
SAVING MR. BANKS – Kelly Marcel, Sue Smith AACTA INTERNATIONAL AWARD FOR BEST LEAD ACTOR
Christian Bale – AMERICAN HUSTLE
Leonardo DiCaprio – THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
Chiwetel Ejiofor – 12 YEARS A SLAVE
Tom Hanks – CAPTAIN PHILLIPS
Matthew McConaughey – DALLAS BUYERS CLUB AACTA INTERNATIONAL AWARD FOR BEST LEAD ACTRESS
Amy Adams – AMERICAN HUSTLE
Cate Blanchett – BLUE JASMINE
Sandra Bullock – GRAVITY
Judi Dench – PHILOMENA
Meryl Streep – AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY AACTA INTERNATIONAL AWARD FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Bradley Cooper – AMERICAN HUSTLE
Joel Edgerton – THE GREAT GATSBY
Michael Fassbender – 12 YEARS A SLAVE
Jared Leto – DALLAS BUYERS CLUB
Geoffrey Rush – THE BOOK THIEF AACTA INTERNATIONAL AWARD FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Sally Hawkins – BLUE JASMINE
Jennifer Lawrence – AMERICAN HUSTLE
Lupita Nyong’o – 12 YEARS A SLAVE
Julia Roberts – AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY
Octavia Spencer – FRUITVALE STATION

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31 Dec

Sages and Scientists

At the Chopra Foundation’s 2012 Sages and Scientists Symposium brilliant minds from all over the world gathered to share their thoughts about “The Merging of a New Future.”  It was a stimulating conversation, filled with revelations and sprinkled with optimism, with topics that ranged from medical research to leadership in business, and even some social media.  I can’t imagine any one other than Deepak who could bring together such a fascinating array of speakers and entertainers!  We heard from former President of Mexico Vincente Fox, General Wesley Clark, Chemist, Quantum Physicists, Corporate leaders, and more, and we were entertained by upcoming musical groups Black Opera, Caught A Ghost, kid’s dance troupe The Miniotics, Flamenco dancers and a group of male acrobats to performed on poles!

 

By the way, all of the volunteers at the Symposium looked fabulous wearing the Jnana Yoga tee-shirts from WearLuck.com.  Jnana Yoga is the path of knowledge, so it’s perfect for this conference!  Each of the speakers received a tee-shirt in their gift bags as well, and we got tons of great comments on them!

Here are some of the highlights of the conference that I caught on video:

 

Dr. Rudy “Rock Star” Tanzi accepted the Spirit of Rustum Roy Award for his contributions in Alzheimer’s Research.  I was fortunate to get an interview with the late Dr. Roy during the 2010 Symposium and you can see what he had to say about the “New Science” in this video:

Dr. Rustum Roy

http://youtu.be/MoI7TyLZQWs

 

This year I was delighted to interview Dr. Lothar Schafer – he had so many amazing things to say that I ended up making his interview into three videos!  Here’s one:

Lothar Schafer on Consciousness

http://youtu.be/-nqxd1OT3mE

 

All of the attendees, including me, were impressed by what two young men are accomplishing to help solve the world water crisis.  Here’s my interview with Mike Muniz from Generosity Water:

Mike Muniz, Generosity Water

http://youtu.be/sD9oBtNZ7JM

 

Leonard Mlodinow is Deepak Chopra’s co-author, their book is “War of the Worldviews.”  It was great speaking with him and getting a behind-the-scenes perspective.  Here’s what he had to say:

Leonard Mlodinow

http://youtu.be/HKJljfmDr6E

 

One of the most popular entertainers was poet/rapper J. Ivy.  He performed with his beautiful and talented wife.  You’ll be hearing a lot from this guy:

J. Ivy

http://youtu.be/xy1x9edjf2M

 

Carlos Dominguez gave a great talk.  He calls himself a “Tech Nowist.”  Find out exactly what that means in his interview:

Carlos Dominguez

http://youtu.be/Nkg6Ndz2dg4

 

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31 Dec

Have a Stress-Less Holiday Season!

‘Tis the season for stress?  NBC Dateline reports that 41% of people interviewed said that the holidays are as stressful as a job interview.  In other words, “very stressful.”  It’s not hard to imagine why this is the case.  Besides our normal work schedule and routine, add to that the traditional holiday obligations: office parties, cooking, eating, shopping, wrapping, traveling, visiting and general socializing, and our capacity for stress tips the scales on the verge of overload.

Then of course, there’s the economy.  A Los Angeles radio station does an annual poll of its listener’s resolutions.  Every year “Get Fit” or “Lose Weight” ends up being the most popular goal.  But this year “Get Out of Debt” ranked the highest.  How do we reconcile this with the barrage of store catalogs and television ads broadcasting all the great deals we can get on all kinds of stuff?  It’s enough to make a person cringe every time Jingle Bells plays in the grocery store.

We can’t fast forward through the season, even if we wanted to.  But we can manage our stress, and find ways to relax and enjoy the beauty of this special time of year.

1.  Fold your hands in prayer behind your back.  When we get stressed we tend to tense up, and cave our chest in.  This opens up our chest, so we can breathe more freely.  Pull the shoulders back, tilt the head back, and breathe deeply.

2.  Rub the circumference of each ear with your hands.  Right hand rubbing the right ear and left hand rubbing the left ear.  According to Ayurveda, India’s 5,000 year old Science of Life, there are marma points (like acupuncture points) in the ears that correspond to the various parts of the body.  Rubbing the ears in this way is like giving yourself a little mini massage!

3.  Stop and smell the flowers.  Keep some lavender essential oil in your desk or purse.  When you feel stressed, bring it out.  Close your eyes and breathe in the fragrance.  Count to 5.  Then exhale through your mouth to the count of 5.  According to Aromatherapy, lavender is very calming.  and when we close our eyes it isolates the sense of smell so that we feel it more intensely.

4.  Present moment awareness.  Most of the time, when we’re stressed it is because we are living in either the future or the past.  Bring yourself into present moment awareness by focusing on the now.  Use your senses, which connect us to our environment.  Hug yourself, to be more “in your body” instead of in your mind where the stress is.  Look at something beautiful, a flower, a bird, the sky, and just be with that for a moment.  Take a sip of sweet tea, and really taste it, and enjoy it.  Be grateful in that moment, and stress just washes away.  Gratitude and stress cannot be present at the same time!

5.  Sit in your desk chair, or kitchen table chair – left foot on the floor, put your right ankle on your left knee, and learn forward with a stretch.  Hold it as far as you can go, then bend forward a little more.  This opens up your hips, and again balances that tensed up muscle feeling.  Do each side equally.

6.  Pay attention.  Understand that it is our choice where we place our attention.  We can look at the source of our stress, or we can look at the white snow, the blue sky, the green pines, the twinkling stars.

7.  Release expectations.  Simplify.  Is it important to send out 100 cards with personal notes?  Or would you be happier contacting a few close friends?  Do you need to have the house decorated like something out of a magazine?  Do you need to make a seven course meal?  What expectations do you have of yourself, and of others?  Rather than striving for perfection, allow things to just be, however they are.  Know that whatever it is, it’s all good.

8.  Remember these words: love, peace, joy.  This is what the season is all about.  When those other words creep into your consciousness, the ones that set off stress, replace them with what you know to be important: love, peace, joy.

Wishing you love, peace and joy this holiday season, and always.

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31 Dec

Election Aftermath

Its been more than a week since the big election.  I had to wait for things to sink in and settle down before I could actually wrote about it all.  The absolute joy of election night was tempered by profound disappointment that California could actually pass Proposition 8.

I’ve never been more proud to be an American.  We have elected a new president who is smart, enthusiastic and visionary.  This is exactly what we need right now.  Barack Obama represents not only change, but optimism.  This is history in the making.  It’s a time when the United States has chosen consciously to move forward, embracing the future despite any challenges.

I’ve never been more disheartened to be a Californian.  California was the third state in the nation to make same-sex marriages legal.  And yet Proposition 8, which takes those civil rights away from people, managed to pass.  This is devastating, and so unlike our open-minded, open-hearted state.  I can only hope that the Supreme Court finds Prop. 8 to be unconstitutional.

The euphoria of the election has worn off.  It didn’t take long.  And now we see that we are faced with the same issues, they didn’t magically go away.  But we will get through these next few weeks by knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel  and it’s not an oncoming train!  We need to learn from the mistakes of the past.  We need to be present and aware of what is happening at the moment.  And we need to plan for, and look forward to, a more balanced and healthy global community.

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31 Dec

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Women’s expectations:
A day of romance!  Hearts, flowers, cards, kisses – we’ve been conditioned
to think of this as a day to get swept away in love.  We look forward to
this day, and plan for it well in advance.  We enjoy the corniness of
getting those hugging teddy bears, and giving the boxers with the hearts on
them.  We want to be surprised, and feel adored.  We want to be able to
share our Valentine’s stories with our girlfriends.  We know men can be
klutzy sometimes when it comes to romance, but we expect them to at least
make the effort. Men’s expectations:
Men dread this holiday!  They have so much pressure on them to be the knight
in shining armor, and they fear they can’t live up to it.  For men,
Valentine’s Day is really just another day, they don’t get the “big deal”
that it is to women and they wish that it would just go away.  They’re
afraid of letting us down, and yet they really don’t know what to do because
we expect so much.  They resent that this is a holiday where they really
have to do something or they’ll be in the dog house.  Men don’t care much if
they get gifts or not, but if it’s a day they get sex, then they’re happy!

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31 Dec

The Sandwich Generation

My dad is 82 years old. He’s always been healthy, active, and proud of his youthful good looks. He lives in an “over 55” community and he’s happy to be the go-to guy whenever anyone needs assistance. He works out in the gym there, and often coaches the other residents with their weight lifting. The golf course is his backyard, and he walks it every day, sometimes for a game and sometimes just to meet up with friends and shoot the breeze. Saturday nights are reserved for the community dances, and he has a lovely partner in his girlfriend Joyce. Life in retirement was about as good as it gets for my dad – until about 3 weeks ago when he had a stroke. Now, this suave and savvy senior citizen is in an acute rehabilitation facility. He’s sad, and vulnerable, and struggling to get back to his former self. His left side was compromised, he’s lost a lot of mobility, some hearing, and short term memory. It is difficult to see him like this. I know that 82 is “old” and this is to be expected at this age – but it’s just so unlike the dad I’ve known my whole life. He tried to pretend that he’s all right – he even jokes that he’s “all right” with the loss of his left side – but we know better. We can see it in his face. He’s scared. And I don’t blame him. My brother and sister and I have been looking at assisted living facilities for my dad. It’s hard to take him away from Leisure Village, a place he loves so much, but he needs more care. He just can’t live on his own anymore. I know that wherever he goes he’ll make friends fast – that’s just the way he is. But it’s a big change for all of us. And now I have entered the ranks of the sandwich generation – those who are caring for their children and their parents at the same time. I know that somehow everything will be okay. I love my dad so much and I just want him to be happy, and comfortable. He’s a great guy, and as scary as this all is, he’s taking it really well.

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31 Dec

Babies in the Backyard

Our backyard has turned into a menagerie. Spring has sprung and then-some around here! Greg has made a sanctuary for the squirrels, bunnies, hummingbirds and assorted songbirds that come around for the food he puts out for everyone everyday. It’s truly wonderful to sit outside and be entertained by the wildlife! They have become our friends, and they are a real reminder of how precious, and robust, life really is. A few weeks ago we were having a balmy evening and I was reading in the bedroom with the sliding glass door open. Brian, my almost-16 year old, came in to give me some of his news of the day when he heard a spash in the pool. I figured it was just the ducks, a mallard couple who comes around to take a dip every now and again, and let it go. But Brian was curious and went outside to investigate. Thank goodness he did! In the pool he found a baby bunny trying desperately to swim. He sprang into action, grabbed the pool scoop, and scooped that little guy up to safety. My hero! I brought out a towel and wrapped this sweet little thing up. He was shivvering, and scared. I stroked him and tried to reassure him as best as I could. He could fit in the palm of my hand he was so tiny! Once he was dry and calm we let him loose again in the yard, far away from the swimming pool! We often see the whole family, mom and dad, and two little babies, munching on grass and frolicking on the lawn. It’s amazing to watch the little ones grow, and I get nervous when they hop inside the pool fence! We also have a squirrel family to keep us company. Greg has named the mama squirrel “Nadia” after Nadia Comaneche because she is such an acrobat. Her husband’s name is Bart, of course! They have two little sons whom Greg has dubbed Fatso and Loco. Fatso runs to Greg’s office door for peanuts, and Loco does flips for no apparent reason other than to entertain himself! And then right outside our bedroom window a mama Mourning Dove has made her nest. According to my dad, Mourning Doves are notoriously bad nest-makers, so they try to find a place that’s convenient. We have a hanging plant in a wicker basket there, so it looks like one big nest, and that’s where she has made her home. This is the third year we’ve seen her there, but this is the first year we’ve seen her with babies. She patiently sat there, day after day, and we peaked in on her to make sure she was okay. Finally we could see little pin feathers under her, and one day we could see a little baby bird face looking back at us. When mama went off to get food at one point, we found two precious little birdies, side by side. We didn’t see much of them after that, mama kept them close, staying right on top of them to keep them warm. But one day, when she was off again, Greg peaked in to see that one of the babies had died. We were so sad. I felt so bad for that little mama who cared so much for her little ones. I don’t know why these things happen, just something about nature, no matter the species. Mama is still there with her one little bird, and he’s growing bigger every day. His feathers are coming out, and he’s almost as big as his mom. He’ll fly out of his safe nest soon, and be on his way. I think of how Freddy just graduated from high school, and how he’s leaving home to go off to college. They grow up so quickly!

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31 Dec

Crowded House on HGTV!

I recently worked on a pilot for a new HGTV show called “Crowded House.” If you’re a fan of those real estate shows, where the couple goes shopping for a new home (I LOVE those shows!) you are really going to dig this one.  It still has all the great information, but it also has a ton of comedy.  This show is a hoot! 

Imagine 20 strangers tagging along while you’re trying to decide which home to buy.  That’s what Jason and Samantha, our two home buyers, had to endure!  And “Crowded House” is an appropriate name for this show, because there were so many people we often couldn’t all fit in a room.  You’ll see people peeking through the windows and doors.  And every single one of these people, who were dubbed “The Peanut Gallery” had an opinion on EVERYTHING!  Pretty hard to get a word in edge-wise.  But I did!

As you know, my take on things is “Ancient Wisdom, Modern Style.” So I had a lot to say about Feng Shui, Vastu, and the overall energy of each place. Here at CoffeyTalk my community loves all of this – over at Crowded House, I got mixed reactions – including eye-rolls that would normally only come from an impatient teenage girl! But I didn’t mind – it’s great to have a platform to bring this great information to the masses. And the proof is in the pudding, right!

I can’t wait to tune in on Thursday to see if the new homeowners took my advice.

The HGTV pilot “Crowded House” that I’m in airs Thursday! Here are the times, check your local listings for the exact channel and time:

EST
2/27 11:00 p.m.
2/28 2:00 a.m.
3/2 5:00 p.m. CST
2/27 10:00 p.m.
2/28 1:00 a.m.
3/2 4:00 p.m. PST
2/27 8:00 p.m.
2/27 11:00 p.m.
3/2 2:00 p.m. There are some preview videos up on youtube – including 2 that feature me! self-balancing scooters
http://youtu.be/NBFfLzYeHBU  Feng Shui or Not
http://youtu.be/IVWFznQNdNw Preview

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31 Dec

Treating Autism and Asperger’s

I recently came across a wonderful book by Sophie Walker called “Grace Under Pressure.”  As a mom of a child with special needs, I could relate to her story.  I was very grateful when Sophie provided me with an excerpt from the book to share with you:


Grace, Under Pressure

A Girl with Asperger’s and Her Marathon Mom

 

As things stand, the main “treatment” comes in the form of support, and for high-functioning autism like Grace’s, that primarily means learning. There is a raft of educational techniques and assistance available. Though God knows in my part of the world it seems extraordinarily hard to access (more on this later), this was the route I had started down with Grace. I had seen examples of people with high-functioning autism who were able to adapt and learn how to socialize and overcome their communication difficulties, while re-taining their individuality and often, indeed, being prized for their particular (and many) skills.

But for many parents, among them — naturally enough — those whose children suffer from severe autism, this is not sufficient. Some who are desperate for more radical help to change and improve the lives of their children want alternative therapies.

Researching the options on offer in this universe felt like stepping into Aladdin’s cave: before me lay acres of winking treasures — endless bounty that somehow also seemed liable to leave me empty-handed if I grasped for them. Thousands upon thousands of case studies are out there, detailing the differences that can be made by everything from drugs, to diet (cutting out gluten, dairy products, caffeine, and sugar being the most common), to dolphin therapy and dogs for autism. Intensive behavioral training exists in many different forms and programs; music, light, and sound therapy is also popular. I even discovered the “Audiokinetron” — an electronic machine to exercise the entire hearing system, with the aim of improving sound sensitivity and thus reducing behavioral disturbances.

In every instance, a proponent would rave about the changes effected. Someone else would declare it bunkum.

I asked Peter Bearman if the work he was doing would result, ultimately, in a cure. Do you, I asked, foresee a treatment?

This time his answer was unequivocal.

“Yes. According to our data, about 10 percent of children with autism who start off severely impacted have incredible developmental trajectories and are off the spectrum within a decade. Something is happening to those children,” he said.

“And as soon as you can see that some kids really do change in different ways, you have to ask, ‘What are their parents doing?’ ”

Bearman can’t do the study himself: as part of the research conditions for his other work the names and personal details of the families and children he has studied have been erased. He is following 8 million children, but he doesn’t know who they are, or what their parents did, or what services they used. But if someone else does a study and finds those children and observes what they’re doing, he says, “I’m sure that what’s accessible to 10 percent of all children can be of use to many more.”

It’s tantalizing to think that the seed of knowledge about how to cure this condition may already be out there in the population somewhere.

But when I think about a “cured” version of Grace, my mind draws a blank. I find I don’t know who that is. Where does my daughter begin and her Asperger’s end? How can she be Grace without being all that she is now?

The whole idea of somehow “fixing” autism is of course a highly controversial area and there is a growing movement among adults with autism and Asperger’s syndrome to oppose any attempts to “cure” the disorder. They emphasize instead the importance of celebrating difference.

Aspies for Freedom is one such group. An online forum founded by a group of people with Asperger’s syndrome in June 2004, it aims to bring together people with autism-spectrum conditions to further the view that Asperger’s and autism are not negative, and not always a disability.

“Part of the problem with the ‘autism as tragedy’ point of view is that it carries with it the idea that a person is somehow separable from autism, and that there is a ‘normal’ person trapped ‘behind’ the autism,” says the homepage on the group’s website. It continues:

Being autistic is something that influences every single element of who a person is — from the interests we have, the ethical systems we use, the way we view the world and the way we live our lives. As such, autism is part of who we are…

We know that autism is not a disease and we oppose any attempts to “cure” someone of an autism-spectrum condition, or any attempts to make them “normal” against their will.

 

I read this and stop dead. Is this what I have been doing? Have I been trying to make my darling girl “normal”?

There are many similar groups and thousands of proponents. There are also thousands of parents and the deeper I go into the argument on cyberspace, the louder the shouting gets. Just as I thought I was starting to get a grip on the scale of the community to which my daughter — and therefore to a certain extent I, too — now belongs, the rug is pulled out from under me again. Now I have to answer the question of just how committed we are to being part of this community or whether we’ve been trying to be something else.

I think back to the very many testimonies on treatments I read and I wonder at how hard it must be for parents of severely autistic children to support any idea that says attempts to cure are iniquitous and insulting.

And then, just like that, I find an answer for me and for Grace.

It’s a Sunday afternoon and the ham I am boiling in the kitchen has caused the windows to steam up, giving the outside world an opaque, distant appearance. Betty is asleep and Grace is at her dad’s house and I am for the time being alone, sitting at the dinner table surfing websites and turning the pages of a growing pile of books beside my computer. My head is spinning. I have tried several times to get up and walk away and allow my jumbled, gyrating thoughts to come to a stop — to let them fall where they will and leave me to pick over the pieces later. But I can’t quite do it.

And then I click on a site called Neurodiversity.com, whose stated aims are to reduce the challenges of autism and help increase education and support. On the page dealing with the question of a cure is an excerpt from a quote which makes my heart beat a bit faster. I sit up and quickly, quickly, fire up the search engine to find the rest of it.

The quote is from e.e. cummings and it feels like oxygen. It’s all the answer I need, for now.

To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

I determine to let Grace be herself: to cherish and delight in her and work hard to help others to understand and appreciate her. I can help her by getting her the support she needs to be happy within herself, and to take pleasure in her idiosyncrasies, without worrying about where they come from or what that means.

At least, I’ll try…

 

Sophie Walker is the author of Grace, Under Pressure: A Girl with Asperger’s and Her Marathon Mom. She lives in London. Visit her online at http://www.courage-is.blogspot.com or on Twitter @sophierunning.

 

Excerpted from the book Grace, Under Pressure: A Girl with Asperger’s and Her Marathon Mom © 2013 by Sophie Walker. Printed with permission of New World Library www.newworldlibrary.com

 

 

 

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31 Dec

Royal Marriage Manners

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are visiting Southern California this week, and of course the media is covering every moment.  Upon their arrival in Los Angeles from Canada, I noticed something that I don’t think everyone did, but it could be very telling about the royal relationship. 

 

After William and Kate disembarked the plane, they went through a receiving line to be welcomed by Governor Jerry Brown and his wife, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, and other dignitaries.  Will went through the line first, followed by his bride.  They were greeted, curtseyed to and shook hands with each person graciously.  When Will was finished, he made a bee-line for the Range Rover, and got in the back seat without a glance back.  Kate completed her duties a minute or so later, and went to the back seat on the other side of the car.

 

What is unusual about this?  Since the British are such sticklers for etiquette, they should be practicing it in their marriages as well as amongst commoners.  The gentlemanly thing for William to do would have been to wait for his wife to shake the last hand, and then walk over to the car with her.  Ideally, he would walk her to her side of the car and help her in before entering the car himself.

 

This may be a small thing, but it shows respect and consideration.  I get that they’re both on a schedule and being shepherded around by security.  But in a marriage, there is a kind of radar that keeps you aware of where that other person is at all times.  I get that William is the Prince and probable heir to the throne.  But whatever happened to common courtesy, and “ladies first?”  If I were in Kate’s position I’d be saying to my hubby: “Hello?  Wait for me!”  Of course it’s not good form for couples, and especially royals, to correct each other in public.

 

While I’m on the subject, yes, it was a lovely gesture that William gave Kate his mother’s ring.  However, I do believe that Kate deserves her own ring as well.  Why have Diana’s ring be her engagement ring?  After all, even though Diana’s ring is beautiful and historic, it did originate from a marriage that is widely known as unhappy and that ended in divorce.  That’s a lot of baggage to be carrying around on your finger.  Already Kate is being compared to Diana, and this will inevitably follow her throughout her lifetime.  Kate is her own person, and this is a new relationship, so I say give her a new ring.

 

Kate has a lot to put up with.  Every bride has to deal with in-laws, but Kate has to do it under the scrutiny of the world.  She had her wedding in the same church where her husband’s mother had her funeral.  She’s a good sport to go along with her new family in all these decisions, and I know this will go far in keeping Will and Kate together. 

 

The royal couple is sure to get lots of attention wherever they go, and whatever they do.  But they need to remember that it is the attention that they give to one another that will be what makes this marriage succeed.  It is both the attention that they give to each other in private, at home, when it is just the two of them.  And it is also the attention that they give to each other in public.  I remember hearing from body language experts about the sweet glances they gave each other during the wedding ceremony, and how that was a good sign of a true loving relationship.  The world is watching!  The pressures of the position will be there, and there will be obligations and schedules and demands.  But the smallest reassuring glance, the hand on the back as a guide, and the simple act of waiting for the other person to finish before going ahead with the next task, that will make all the difference. 

 

This royal marriage is only a few months in, and as time goes on, these simple courtesies will mean more and more.  I would advise William to get in the habit of being a gentlemanly husband now.  A husband with good manners is a true Prince.

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