The news broke on Friday afternoon, the same day as the opening ceremony of the Olympics was to air in the United States.  Boy wonder Senator John Edwards lied.  He actually did have an affair while his wife Elizabeth battled cancer.  Now he had to come clean.  Rumors were rampant since this first happened back in 2006, but he adamantly denied them, and Elizabeth stood by his side.  After this admission, the pundits are saying that his political career is over.  No longer can he hope for the Vice-President seat, or the Attorney General position.  John Edwards has had the pedestal knocked out from under him.  Oh, wait… didn’t he do this to himself?

No one knows what goes on inside a marriage except for the two people involved.  Evidently Elizabeth already knew about the affair, and chose to stay in the marriage.  But the American people feel as if John Edwards has cheated on them.  He lied.  He covered up.  He painted a picture of a devoted husband and the reality turned out to be very different.

And yet, McCain committed the very same crime years ago in his first marriage.  He cheated on his wife, some say multiple times, before cheating with the much younger and wealthier Cindy, who is now his current wife.  And he’s running for President!  Does America have a short memory?

What happened with John and Elizabeth is between John and Elizabeth.  But people who are in the public eye are subject to the scrutiny of the public.  And knowing this, they must hold themselves to the standards that they extol.  While I certainly don’t approve of John Edwards’ behavior, I hate to think that we would lose a perfectly qualified Attorney General because of it.  Maybe what he has learned from this experience has made him even more right for the position.  Each of us has our demons, our shadow, our dark side.  But not everyone’s dark side is on display.  Whoever does get in will have their own share of demons, that’s just the way it is.

So hopefully this “news” story will teach us a little bit about our own relationships.  How our actions affect not just ourselves, and our spouse, but how they reflect on the whole, and have far reaching ramifications. 

 

 

 

]]>

Both of my boys are in college now, so that’s supposed to leave me with an empty nest.  But instead of having an empty nest in the traditional sense, I really have a home base and two little satellite nests.

Yes, my little birds have flown the coop.  One is in the dorms and the other just rented his first place with roommates.  So they are indeed emptying out my house, taking with them whatever isn’t nailed down and can fit in their car.  My stuff is pretty much all over the place, in 3 different locations.  My family room rug is now in Monterey.  My clothes hangers are hanging in Brian’s closet. Contents of my kitchen cupboards get shipped to these new addresses.

Instead of their voices bellowing across the room, they now summon me by text message.  I hear from them just as often, but now instead of walking into their rooms for a chat, I have to type in bird-speak to get a response.  R U OK?  I ask.  ☺ they text me back.

When they were little, everyone told me that the time would go by quickly.  I didn’t believe those people.  Never look at a harried mother lugging two kids in car seats to the dry cleaner and tell her how magical this time is.  She’s not going to buy it.  But now I look back and it’s all a blur.  Not only did my kids change so much during this time, I changed.  And I changed because of my kids.  I have never faced such challenges, or found so much strength within myself as I did when my kids were growing up.  You’ve heard about the mom with so much adrenalin running through her that she can pick up a car to save her baby  well, most moms do something like that every day.  Either it’s dealing with the parents of the playground bully, or convincing a teacher that there really is such a thing as AD/HD.  It can be taking the baby in for vaccinations, or signing your teen up for Drivers Ed.  It takes courage, and patience, and definitely endurance.  The rewards are the hugs, and the smiles.  What price can you put on a first self-tied show, or a green belt in karate?  When you’re in it you feel like it will last forever.  But the time goes by, more quickly that you ever could have anticipated.

When the kids move out of the house, it is really empty?  Mine will never be.  Mine is filled with memories and laughter and gym socks that will turn up for years.  The birds will flock home with laundry and leave with groceries.  I’ll go to visit their new nests, making sure they’re downy soft and comfortable.  And I’ll treasure the texts that say Luv u mom.

It took me a couple of days to process all this.  I didn’t want to jump on the bandwagon and blog about something that could have been perceived as gossip.  But this is not gossip, this is news, and it is the kind of news that can have an impact on the entire country.

I was visiting my 21 year old son who is away at college in Monterey when I heard the news that John McCain had chosen Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate. I was pleased that a woman got that slot.  First impression was that she was smart, well put together, and an asset to the Republican party.

What a difference a day makes.

Of course this woman is going to be under a microscope.  She’s up for one of the most important jobs in the world.  It didn’t take long before blogs all over the place were speculating about the maternity of youngest son Trig, born in May.  Just to re-cap, they’re saying that no one could tell Sarah was pregnant, even at 7 months.  There are photos of her with her daughter in March, Sarah doesn’t look pregnant, but her daughter Bristol sure does.  I’ve been pregnant, and when I was pregnant I was healthy and in my 20’s and I was still exhausted.  I could barely stand up, let alone hold down a demanding full-time job.  And the second pregnancy I was showing from day one!  Can you imagine being in your 40’s, and on your fifth pregnancy?  Those stomach muscles would be shot, and a pregnancy would be so obvious.  Yet somehow Sarah’s pregnancy went unnoticed until she announced it in her 7th month.  And the blogs bring up questions like why did Sarah, in her 8th month of pregnancy, accept a speaking engagement in Texas, and then when her water broke, boarded a plane for an 8 hour flight back to Alaska when the safer thing for the baby would have been to deliver right there?  And the flight attendants had no idea she was pregnant  if they had they might not have let her on board  and said that they had no idea she was in any distress at all.  So, the theory is that the daughter is the one who actually gave birth, and the mother covered up and is raising Trig as her own.

Does that sound like something out of Desperate Housewives or what?  These are the kinds of things you just can’t make up.  But how do you find out what the truth is?  http://www.dailykos.com

So then, I’m still reeling from this news, wondering why on earth a mother of 5, who has one kid going into the army, and a newborn with special needs, would accept this nomination.  And to be fair, I wouldn’t expect a father in this situation to accept either.  The Vice Presidency isn’t just any job.  This is a 24/7, high pressure, dangerous, whole family in the spotlight, open for public criticism, lots of traveling and long hours kind of job.  And the Republicans are preaching family values!  What kind of message does this send?  To me, family values means that family comes first.  You set aside any ambition or career goals that interfere with a family’s well-being and do what is best for the family as a whole.  Anything less is just selfish.

And, just to be perfectly clear with my own views, I don’t believe any couple today, with the environmental problems that we have, and the population growth problems that we have, should have any more than 2 of their own biological children.  If you want more children, adopt some of the ones that are already here!  To keep having kids is selfish, and arrogant.  And that may be an unpopular opinion, but I think that keeping society in mind is being a good citizen.  Having no more than 2 biological children is being socially responsible.  Adopting kids when you want more kids is admirable, and wonderful.

Then comes the announcement that Bristol Palin, the 17 year old daughter of the Republican Vice Presidential nominee, is actually 5 months pregnant.  Really?  Big surprise to all of us, of course we didn’t see the girl at the nomination announcement because she was in the bus taking care of her little brother.  They kept her under wraps!  Like we wouldn’t figure it out?  But something still doesn’t make sense those photos were from March, and she looked pregnant then.  The baby was born in April, supposedly 1 month premature, yet he was still 6 pounds 2 ounces.  So it could be possible that Bristol gave birth full term in April, and then got pregnant again.  They’re saying that this baby is due in December, but I guess we’ll see when the birthday actually is.

But even if Sarah Palin is telling the truth, that she is Trig’s mother, and her 17 year old daughter is pregnant, we have to question her judgment.  Why put this poor girl in the spotlight unnecessarily?  Sarah Palin is pro-life.  She is against abortion, even in cases of rape or incest.  And she is against sex education in schools.  She thinks that schools should only teach abstinence.  Her daughter is proof positive that teaching abstinence alone is totally ineffective.  Then we also have to question Sarah Palin’s parenting skills.  Did she know her teenage daughter was having sex?  Or was the daughter lying to her mother?  If she knew her daughter was having sex and she did not provide her with birth control information, or condoms, then she was stupid, or irresponsible, or both.  And if the daughter was lying to her mother, that says that the daughter cannot trust her mother.  If her daughter can’t trust her, why should the public?  Maybe the daughter learned about lying from her mother, and felt it was the only choice she had given her mother’s public persona as an ultra conservative, gun-toting, power hungry politician.  If that’s the case then I feel sorry for the girl, who probably just wants a good relationship with her mother.

The age of consent in Alaska is 16.
http://blog.laborlawtalk.com/2006/11/07/alaska-age-of-consent-laws/
So assuming that Bristol was at least 16 when she started having sex with her 18 year old boyfriend, then no laws were broken.  The legal age to marry in Alaska is 18.  However, those under the age of 18 can marry with both parent’s consent.  Sarah Palin says that her daughter and boyfriend will marry.  So the kids, and they are children, still in high school, not only have the parent’s consent, but their blessing.  Is this the best thing for the children?  The boyfriend in question is high school hockey player Levi Johnson, and on his myspace page is says he doesn’t want children.  There are photos of him horsing around with other teenagers, including girls.  He uses swearwords like they were candy.  And he prides himself on being a redneck.  He is clearly an immature, teenage boy who doesn’t know who he is or what he wants out of life.  And Sarah Palin thinks the solution to the situation is to marry her daughter off to this guy?  This scenario has disaster written all over it.

There are so many issues to consider in any election.  And this one woman, Sarah Palin, by how she lives her life, has brought up many of them.  There are photos of her grinning next to a moose that she slaughtered.  There is her record of voting against pro-environmental policies.  And now this.  The statements being made from the Republican party are that this is a family matter and the family wishes to keep it private.  Well, if they had wished to keep it private then Sarah Palin should not have agreed to accept McCain’s offer to put her on the ticket.  How Sarah Palin is handling this problem in her family lives is very telling as to how she may handle any problems that come up in our country.  We want to see that she has integrity, and compassion, and mainly, that she has her priorities straight.  So far, I’m not seeing it.

Friday night is date night for my hubby and me.  We go out to dinner, relax, talk, and usually see a movie.  As you can tell from the number of movie reviews on my site, this has been a long-standing tradition.  But this Friday night was different.  We chose to stay home and watch the first presidential debate on TV. We sent out for Chinese food, opened a bottle of wine, and eagerly awaited the first question.  Obama waved to the crowd, a big smile on his face, and approached McCain with an open hand.  The two went to their respective podiums, while Jim Lehr summarized the rules.  The debate was on. Given the current economic situation, and the pending probable bailout, the subject was bound to turn to the economy.  But the scheduled topic was foreign affairs, so that was a huge issue as well.  It didn�t take long before I was practically yelling at the television.  Jim Lehr kept telling both of the candidates to talk to each other, and yet McCain refused to even LOOK at Obama.  It was rude, and disrespectful.  I felt that Obama was being respectful to McCain, acknowledging where his opponent was �right� before making his point and sometimes correcting McCain.  But McCain was disdainful, and condescending to Obama.  Several times he said: �Senator Obama doesn�t understand.�  Or that he is �na�ve.�  I just wanted Jim Lehr give him a lecture in basic etiquette. Obama handled the whole thing with dignity and grace.  That�s the kind of attitude and demeanor we need in the leader of this country.  We don�t need some hot-head who won�t listen, who does what he wants without input from others, and who is easily angered and irritated.  McCain can�t even get along with the other people in his own party (except for Bush, of course, whom he has supported more than 90% of the time) so how is he going to get along with other people in positions of leadership to make good decisions?  In the debate he said that when he looks into Putin�s eyes he sees the letters �K G B.�  How can he have a rational conversation when he�s thinking combatively? So much is said during the debates, but even more is revealed between the lines.  At the end of the debate, Barack and Michelle Obama approached John and Cindy McCain to shake hands.  I think good manners say a lot about a person. After the debate, NBC had Joe Biden give commentary about how he thought the debate went.  Wow!  The Democratic Vice-Presidential nominee!  He talked about how well Obama did, and was generally pleasant.  Then for the Republicans, since Sarah Palin �refused� the invitation to appear, Rudy Guiliani was to give his commentary.  He didn�t talk about how great McCain did, he talked about how bad he thought Obama did!  Again, snarky and rude behavior.  And where was Palin anyway?  What could be more important that commenting on the first presidential debate and supporting her running mate.  The Republicans evidently have her sequestered and she�s not allowed to speak to the press.  That pretty much tells me that even they don�t feel she is qualified to be on the ticket, and that she doesn�t have anything intelligent to say. I�m just glad the Vice Presidential debate is on Thursday night.  I wouldn�t want to give up another Friday date night just to be stressed out all over again.

]]>

After Thanksgiving and spending time with the family, we tend to look back with fondness and note just how crazy our clan really is.  It’s okay to admit it, it’s true for everyone.  I mean, there really is no “normal” anymore.  Is there any family that hasn’t been affected by dysfunction?  I don’t think so.  We could sulk about it, but it’s better to just laugh.  We’ve got in-laws and out-laws, steps and sibs, and the assorted characters and cousins who come by for whatever libations are being served.  Go ahead and join them, just don’t overindulge. There is a serious side to this.  A study from Columbia University came out today that says that almost one in five young American adults has a personality disorder that interferes with everyday life.  Even more alarming is that the numbers were greater for those who abuse alcohol or drugs.  But the biggest issue is that there is a widespread lack of treatment in the 19 to 25 year age group.  Hopefully this study will raise awareness and get young people to seek help.  It is important to have accessible mental health services along with other medical services on college campuses.  And it is important that insurance carriers routinely cover mental health services.  Imagine if 20-25% of the population had an untreated physical problem, like diabetes.  And yet, various forms of mental illness are affecting families all over the place and we don’t have the resources or means to get help. So here we are, coming up on Christmas, when the whole crazy bunch will be gathered together again.  What can we do?  We can’t solve everyone’s problems, but if we suspect that there’s an issue, we can be informed and offer guidance.  And just love them.  And be aware.  Let them talk, let them know that there’s a place for them where they are loved.  That’s what family is all about.

]]>

I read a commentary yesterday from someone who said that bailing out the auto industry is like investing in CDs when the rest of the world has moved on to downloads and iPods.  It’s a waste of money.  What we should be investing in is alternative modes of energy and transportation.  I agree.  The auto makers got themselves into this mess why do we have to get them out?  We need a new dynamic, not more of the same problems that got us into this situation.

I’m a member of the Author’s Guild, and I got an e-mail from the Guild this morning that I would like to share with you.  It is interesting, though not surprising, how the financial crisis has hit every sector of business:

<"I've been talking to booksellers lately who report that times are hard. And local booksellers aren't known for vast reserves of capital, so a serious dip in sales can be devastating. Booksellers don't lose enough money, however, to receive congressional attention. A government bailout isn't in the cards. We don’t want bookstores to die. Authors need them, and so do neighborhoods. So let’s mount a book-buying splurge. Get your friends together, go to your local bookstore and have a book-buying party. Buy the rest of your Christmas presents, but that’s just for starters. Clear out the mysteries, wrap up the histories, beam up the science fiction! Round up the westerns, go crazy for self-help, say yes to the university press books! Get a load of those coffee-table books, fatten up on slim volumes of verse, and take a chance on romance! There will be birthdays in the next twelve months; books keep well; they’re easy to wrap: buy those books now. Buy replacements for any books looking raggedy on your shelves.  Stockpile children’s books as gifts for friends who look like they may eventually give birth. Hold off on the flat-screen TV and the GPS (they’ll be cheaper after Christmas) and buy many, many books. Then tell the grateful booksellers, who by this time will be hanging onto your legs begging you to stay and live with their cat in the stockroom: “Got to move on, folks. Got some books to write now. You see…we’re the Authors Guild.” Enjoy the holidays. Roy Blount Jr.
President
Authors Guild> ]]>

Got this little blurb today: “‘Tis the season for making whoopee. The Christmas-New Year’s period produces a year-high spike in sexual activity and conceptions in the United States according to biorhythm researchers and makers of sex-related products. They attribute the increase to holiday leisure and New Year’s resolutions to have children. New Year’s irresolution fueled by alcohol and partying is another contributing factor.”

Maybe it’s also the cold weather making us seek body heat.  Maybe it’s also not wanting to feel alone during this time of year when so much focus is on family.  And maybe it’s just that mistletoe!  The holiday season seems to be an aphrodisiac.  Mommy kisses Santa Claus.  Baby, it’s cold outside.  The scent of cinnamon is known to produce an increase in male hormones. The fireplace is lit, and gives the complexion a healthy glow.  We have time to pay attention to each other.  All the elements are there for a season of seduction.  Kind of puts a new spin on getting in the holiday spirit!  Who could be a Grinch when covered in kisses?

]]>

This is an interesting time of year the week between Christmas and New Year’s.  It seems on the surface that not much is happening. Work is slow, the freeways aren’t as crowded because people are on vacation.  But underneath the surface a lot of activity is taking place.  We’re preparing ourselves for the New Year. We’re taking down the decorations, getting organized, and coming up with our goals and resolutions.  This is a creative time – in Ayurveda this is Vata season.

We see it on a global scale.  We have elected a new president, but he hasn’t taken office yet.  He’s busy planning and preparing, choosing his cabinet, figuring out just how to get things done.  And we see it in nature, too.  Trees shed their leaves in preparation for a new Spring.

In life, we can’t be in two places at the same time.  We can’t keep both feet on the ground and expect to go anywhere.  If we want to take that leap of faith, and really make changes in our lives, then both feet have to leave the ground.  How can we do this?  We need to release.  We need to let go. 

Today I led the service at a church, and instead of the traditional “burning bowl” ceremony, we put the “ancient wisdom, modern style” CoffeyTalk twist on it.  We wrote down what we wanted to release, and then put the papers through a shredder!  This is the prayer I wrote for releasing.  Enjoy, and take it to heart.  I love you!  Happy New Year!

Dear God, Sweet Spirit,

Knowing that all is one and I am one with all that is –
I recognize that certain habits, or thought patterns, or misconceptions
No longer serve me, no longer contribute to my greatest good.
I choose, here and now, to release any and all
judgments, anger, guilt, or self-destructive behaviors.
I choose to let go of pain, and heartache, to let go of resentment and blame.
I choose to unburden myself of any heaviness that is weighing me down.
I choose to leave behind any pettiness of the past.
I choose to relinquish control, to let You,
the guiding light of the Universe, in Your infinite Wisdom,
take care of the details of my life. I choose to open the door, to clear out the clutter, in my life and in my mind and to make room for
All that is offered to me.
I choose to let go completely – and let GOD! I choose, right here and now, to give up the struggle.
I choose, right here and now to release all my fears, all my doubts, any falsehoods that are holding me back from knowing and experiencing and celebrating all that I am. I choose to get with the program, to embrace the
Trust and Faith, and Health, and Light, and Truth, and Opportunity, and Love and Prosperity and Wholeness
That right here and now runs in and around and through each and every one of us.  This is who I am.
And I am truly grateful. I now release and let go of anything that contradicts this fact.  Whatever it is, I let it go.  Happily, with grace and ease, and forever. And so it is, Baby – and so it absolutely is!
Amen!

]]>

Sleeping together is an important way for couples to feel connected to one another. While many partners can live happily together; they just can’t sleep well side by side. Research from the Better Sleep Council (BSC) found that on average, one in three Americans report that their partner’s sleep problems negatively impact their own quality of sleep. If your partner’s sleep style has you headed for a separate room, relationship expert Lissa Coffey and the Better Sleep Council have some tips that just might bring harmony back to the bedroom and into your relationship. 1.    Problem:  Your partner kicks in his or her sleep, waking you up.
Solution:  Make sure your bed gives each person adequate sleep surface. If you are sharing a double (full–size) mattress, that only gives each person as much room as sleeping in a crib! Couples should share a mattress no smaller than queen-size. 2.    Problem:  Your partner likes it hot, but you like it cool.
Solution:  Temperature is a major issue in many relationships. Ideally, your bedroom should be a cool 60–65 degrees Fahrenheit. But a few simple adjustments can make it possible for a person who craves heat and a person who craves cool to sleep side by side comfortably.
�    Double fold the blankets so there is more coverage on one side.
�    Invest in a dual-control electric blanket or a twin-size electric blanket for one side. 3.    Problem:  Your partner snores, keeping you up at night.
Solution:  Snoring can be a serious health concern, so make sure to consult your physician. If your partner’s snoring is not a serious health condition, try alternative treatments like investing in anti-snore pillows, sprays or nasal strips that are designed to help people breathe more easily. If your partner’s snoring persists, try foam earplugs before you try a different room. 4.    Problem:  Your partner tosses and turns.
Solution:  It may be your mattress. If your mattress is uncomfortable, it can lead to restless sleep. Mattresses should be evaluated every five to seven years for comfort and support. 5.    Problem:  Your partner loves to cuddle, but you like your space while you sleep.
Solution:  Compromise. Before falling asleep spend some time snuggling together and then agree to sleep apart.  6.    Problem:  Your sleep schedules don’t match.
Solution:  Try finding a bedtime that works for both of you. If your partner turns in early and you’re a night owl, try reading a book with a personal book lamp until you’re ready to nod off. If you’re an early riser compared to your sleep partner, be considerate in the early morning. Keep overhead lights off and use minimal lighting while your partner is sleeping. 7.    Problem:  Your bedroom feels more like an office than a place to sleep.
Solution:  Your bedroom should only be used for sleep and sex. Keep work, laptops, PDAs and televisions out of the bedroom. This creates a much more relaxing and romantic atmosphere, and will give you both a better night’s sleep. BetterSleep.org

]]>