I didn’t write this, but I wish I did! One of my good friends, Reverend Kusala, a Buddhist monk living in downtown L.A., sent this to me via e-mail. It was uncredited, so I don’t know who wrote it – but kudos to whomever did! I just had to post, so enjoy! The Clown Chakra The Clown Scientists have found that all our problems can be placed under one heading: Seriousness Seriousness is the leading cause of everything from Cancer to Reincarnation. Scientists from theClownAcademy have already discovered a new source of healing. It is a psychic energy point located between the heart chakra and the throat chakra. It is called the Clown Chakra. If people are feeling miserable, if they have financial problems, if their relationship situation is the pits, if they are in ill health, if they have a need to sue people, if they find fault with their brother, then obviously, their Clown Chakra is closed. When this happens, the scientists have observed under a high-powered microscope that the cells of every organ display a sad face, and when the Clown Chakra is open and functioning normally, the cells display a happy face. The scientists realized that if a person is ill, it is because his mind has projected guilt onto the cells of his body and has forced out the love that is normally found within each cell of the body. The cells are therefore saying, “I Lack Love,” or “ILL” for short. The scientists also discovered that all disease is due to the fact that the cells are out of ease or dis-eased. When the Clown Chakra is opened and working (or rather, playing) properly, the psychic mechanism sucks up misery, pain, anger, resentment, grievances, unhappiness, etc., and converts the energy into tiny red heart-shaped balloons. The red heart-shaped balloons contain Love and Joy. These balloons are directed to the dis-eased cell or situation, and a happy face appears instantly. When the light enters the darkness, the darkness is gone. Sometimes these red heart-shaped balloons are called endorphins, due to the fact that when anyone experiences them, the feeling of separation ends. They experience being back home with All ‘That Is’ and hence are no longer an orphan. This is the well-known end-orphan (endorphin) effect. So, if you think someone is attacking you, Clown Scientists recommend that you visualize sending that person red heart-shaped balloons filled with Love and Joy. Remember to keep your Clown Chakra open and remember to laugh. Seriousness causes reincarnation.

Let’s see, we’re into day… oh, it doesn’t matter now, I lost count! But we’re almost done! We’re still sharing Brian’s shower, but the kitchen is up and running and we have plumbing in our bathroom. We have the TVs all hooked up, although we’re missing one of the remotes. As soon as we get the big bathtub out of the garage I think I can get my car in there! And speaking of the kitchen… I bought all new Kitchenaid appliances – very nice, top of the line. The microwave is fine, the oven is fine (although it won’t broil with the door open which bugs me). But the trash compactor came making a thumping noise. The freezer door is frosting over near the ice maker. And the dishwasher door won’t latch closed. So 3 of the 5 appliance I bought had problems! Kitchenaid sent a repairman. He fixed the trash compactor, but said we have to wait for a new door for the freezer, and we have to order a new latch for the dishwasher. I asked the repairman if he had seen this kind of thing before, and he said that Kitchenaid was always really good, very reputable, until Whirlpool bought them out. Hmmm…. I didn’t know that! I thought Whirlpool was good – didn’t they buy out Maytag? I can’t keep track of all this corporate stuff. Anyhow – my kitchen it getting fixed, and when it is I’ll be happy. But for now I’m frustrated. It’s not like this stuff was cheap. Right now I feel like the tile guys are living with us. They’re pleasant enough – but it would be nice to have the house to ourselves. They’re down to just our shower, and it’s a big job. My cat still hasn’t recovered. Cats are notoriously bad with change, and my cat, having lived in the same house for all of her life and never going far from my bedroom, is quite the prima donna. It’s going to take some time for her to get used to this place. We’ve been here 2 weeks now… I don’t know how long it’s going to take – she’s pretty much just hiding in the laundry room or my closet. And I discovered ebay! Well, I knew all about ebay, but now I have actually gone on there and bought stuff – and it is very cool. I bought some rugs from Persian Village – the prices are amazing! Actually, I have to go check on one of my bids now. More later!

I just spent the entire afternoon working with Brian and his friends on their junior class Homecoming float! It was such a fun day. The theme for the floats this year is “Disney” and each class chose a movie to represent. Brian’s class chose “Alice in Wonderland” and set up the float like the Mad Hatter’s tea party. Getting a group of teenagers together on any project is no easy feat, and Brian, as class representative, is the guy in charge. I was prepared for disorganization and disaster, and was happily surprised that the kids who came to help had a plan, brought materials, and worked hard. One of the dad’s is a cabinet maker, and he put together a plywood backdrop that is just amazing. It’s in 6 panels, each 8 feet high and 4 feet wide – so it fits together on the back of the 24 foot bed of the truck that they’re renting. David, the artist in the group, came up with a beautiful design which includes topiaries shaped like 2 0 0 7. Very clever! Another girl brought paint, another brought leaves and craft supplies. We set up everything in the driveway, sent out for pizza and got to work. I am so happy that I got to be a part of this experience. It brought me back to all the fun that I had doing things like this when I was in high school. I’m glad that Brian is involved, and participating in his class activities, it’s a great experience and it will give him some wonderful memories of these high school days. It’s great when parents get involved, too. One mom came and helped some of the girls make paper mache flowers. One dad made spectacular tea cups and a big tea kettle for the table. The Homecoming game is Friday night, and the parade is at half-time. I don’t usually go to the games, but I’m not missing this one. The junior class float is going to look awesome!

Thursday night – 7:15 pm – we’re cleaning up the kitchen from dinner and chatting about Brian’s girlfriend situation. A typical night at the Coffey household. and then… the power goes out! No big deal, we think at first – it will be back on in a few minutes. We do out best to finish our tasks in the dark, and the lights don’t come on. We look out the window and see that the whole neighborhood is dark. Time to find the flashlights. But it’s dark, and we don’t exactly remember where we put everything since we just barely moved in. Luckily Greg, the Pitta poster boy, has a flashlight (a “torch” in Australian) in his desk drawer, and he finds his way there easily. The other flashlights are in a drawer in the utility room closet. I find about 5 of them and carry them to the kitchen table. None of them work. Dead batteries. Or old batteries, whatever the case may be. Back to the closet for batteries, and we spend the next 20 minutes getting the new batteries in the old flashlights. I’m amazed that we are doing this, that we have enough batteries to go around. Family bonding time. Since we have no computer, Brian must do his homework by flashlight in his room. A modern day Abe Lincoln. The boy has a built-in excuse for not turning in an assignment but Brian is diligent, and a little obsessive, so he works away. I bring him a candle and put another in his bathroom. Greg and I decide to spend the time meditating. 7:55 and anxiety sets in. The O.C. is on and we’re going to miss it! Oh, no! Brian and I commiserate. His friend Jason will Tivo the show, but then Brian has to go over there to watch it. We wonder how Ryan and Seth and Marissa and Summer will do without us for the evening. The minutes tick by, and still no power. I put photos in the albums. I put candles in the bedroom. We can always go to bed early and catch up on some sleep. We hear noise from the neighbor’s house and surmise that they must have a generator. Their lights are on, but there is still no power on the rest of the street. We brush our teeth by candlelight. Suki, our cat, doesn’t seem to notice our quandry. It’s business as usual for her. 9:30 and we’re in bed – I leave a candle flickering in the bathroom so we can find our way in the middle of the night. Finally relaxed, knowing that the light of day will come and I might as well give in to sleep. 9:50 the lights come on! The clocks all flash and need to be re-set, but that’s okay. Just in the nick of time, I race downstairs to catch the last few minutes of The Apprentice – and watch Clay get fired. What a night.

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My stepdaughter, Ellen, is here visiting from Australia. We wanted to show her more of the USA this time around, so I arranged for a little trip to Las Vegas! Dates worked out good for Greg, there was some stock trading expo on at the same, so we booked a room at Paris, where the expo was to be held, and everyone was happy. I’ve been to Vegas many times – when I was a student at UCLA we used to drive and stay at a bargain hotel and it was a cheap vacation given the $2 all-you-can-eat buffets and all. Over the years Vegas has certainly grown, and changed its image to a much more upscale, and believe it or not, family friendly venue. Paris was a great place to stay. Price-wise it was probably about middle of the road, about $110 a night per room. But the rooms were beautiful. It’s a pretty new hotel, and everything was nice, clean, and classy rather than tacky. Some of the theme hotels are pretty over-the-top, but Paris was more charming than ostentatious. The restaurants we ate in were good and reasonably priced. We did have one dinner at the Eiffel Tower restaurant, which I’d say was leaning towards the exhorbitant end of the price range, but the food was fabulous so it was worth the treat. More in my comfort zone is the little crepe cafe where for six bucks I had an apple crepe big enough to feed two people and it was warm and sweet and just yummy! We also took the Eiffel Tower tour, basically just an elevator ride up to the 50th “floor” where you have a 360 degree view of Las Vegas. It’s probably more spectacular at night with all the lights blazing. The first day Ellen and I walked over to the Forum Shops, browsed the stores, and watched the Atlantis show where the statues come to life. Ellen’s favorite part was the new car store they’ve got there – Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Hummers – all kinds of exotic cars on display. She loved it, and took tons of photos. We got a photo of us sitting in a yellow Ferrari, too – it’s one of those things where there’s a green screen and you choose the background – we chose the Las Vegas night background so it looks like we’re cruising the strip. Then we headed over to the Mirage – saw the Secret Garden and all the beautiful animals – the dolphins and all that. We had lunch at the Caribe Cafe and played Keno – 3 games, lost them all. Then back to Paris for Ellen’s first massage ever! I had requested a female masseuse, and she ended up with Chad, a guy, but was a good enough sport to just go with it. Turns out he was really nice – and she loved the hot stone massage. I had the frangipani wrap. Sounds better than it was. My masseuse seemed to just kind of slap through the motions and I didn’t feel I was getting thoroughly slathered. But the 20 minutes of meditation was heavenly – just what I needed after a hectic day and miles of ground covered by foot! That night we headed over to the Venetian, another beautiful hotel, ate dinner at a Chinese restaurant there and then sat in the second row to see The Blue Man Group. We had to wear ponchos, but they were really unnecessary. The show was great, but if I had it to do over again I would have gotten seats a little further back to get a better overall view of the stage. We laughed a lot – it’s really an original, fresh, and very cool show. Then the next day Greg traipsed around with us to see New York New York – Ellen and I took the $12.50 roller coaster ride – that’s $12.50 EACH – and it’s not worth it. It’s a good ride, but I’d say it’s a $5 ride at best. We had lunch at the Italian restaurant there – very good. Then proceeded over to the MGM, where they’re doing major construction – and over to the Mandalay Bay – another pretty, and huge, hotel. There we visited Shark Reef – a really nice aquarium. We were exhausted from all the walking. Oh, somewhere in between there we went to M & M world and Coke World, too – and saw an Elvis impersonator on the street. There’s too much cigarette smoke in Las Vegas. And it’s really cold in the winter and really hot in the summer. Other than that, it’s a pretty fun place to visit!

All this James Frey stuff really bugs me. The guy lied, to millions of people, and he got paid handsomely for it. He lied in his best-selling memoir. He lied on national TV. He lied to Oprah. Ah! There was his fatal mistake. At first Oprah stood up for the guy, backing him on Larry King. But then I guess she got to thinking about it and decided that what he did was just not right. And she said so on her show, with Frey and his publisher front and center, and the whole world watching. Good going, Oprah! Kudos to YOU! It was great to see Oprah call James Frey out on the carpet, and say what we all wanted to say all along.