An Excerpt from Big Love by Scott Stabile

Author and Facebook sensation Scott Stabile’s parents were murdered when he was fourteen. Nine years later, his brother died of a heroin overdose. Soon after that, Scott joined a cult that dominated his life for thirteen years. Through it all, he became evermore committed to living his life from love.

In each chapter of his new book Big Love: The Power of Living with a Wide-Open, Scott shares a personal experience that pulled him from his center and the ways in which he brought himself back to peace, and to love. While some of his experiences are extraordinary, like extricating himself from a cult after 13 years, most of the stories reflect on everyday challenges we can all relate to, like the weight of shame, the search for happiness, and the struggle to be authentic.

We hope you’ll enjoy this short excerpt from the book.

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I woke up in a pissy mood recently, committed to gloom before I had even rolled out of bed. Still grumpy that afternoon, I went to the supermarket, only to be greeted by the sweetest checkout clerk ever. I couldn’t resist her happy eyes and huge smile. We had a quick conversation in Spanish, much of which I didn’t understand, and it didn’t even matter. Her sweetness and enthusiasm completely shifted me out of my pissy mood. I carried her joy with me the rest of the day. Everyone I encountered later that day benefited from her kindness.

It’s too easy to feel lost and powerless, like we can’t make any real difference in this messed-up world. I’ve often become paralyzed by the amount of violence and oppression that exists worldwide, paralyzed by my seeming inability to do anything about it. But we are not powerless to effect positive change. Indeed, we are powerful beyond measure, each one of us, in our ability to treat each other with kindness. If you want to change lives, then be kind and patient with strangers, be open and generous with your friends and family, and talk to your neighbors — and listen to them, too. Don’t underestimate the extraordinary effect you have every single time you show up to a situation with an open, loving heart. The checkout clerk shifted me out of my funk with her kindness. When my partner, G, got home that night, I greeted him with a smile instead of the scowl he might have gotten because of my foul mood. Our kindness transcends the moment of delivery. It affects more than we can ever know.

That’s how kindness rolls.

Kindness acts as a magnet, by the way, for more of the same in return. When I walk out into the world with an open heart and a smile on my face, I invite smiles and warmth. That doesn’t mean everyone showers me with their love, but more do than when I go out closed down and bitchy. If you don’t believe in the law of attraction, start paying attention to your attitude and to what you attract in different moments. I find there’s almost always a direct correlation. When I’m loving, I attract more love. That’s a good reason to be loving.

Love doesn’t just call on us to be kind in obvious situations, either. Sure, it’s wonderful to hold open the door for a person carrying groceries, but can you open your heart to your partner when he’s pissing you off? It takes no effort to share a loving comment when your friend posts a picture of her baby on Facebook, but can you resist attacking someone online who posts something you disagree with? Can you instead share your point of view without judgment and venom? I thought myself a kindness king until I had an issue with my cable service recently and had to talk to four different service reps to deal with it. I lost my shit on rep number 2, and things only went downhill from there. I became a self-righteous, angry, impatient asshole. One phone call sent me over the edge.

I want to become so rooted in my kindness that it’s not dependent on the words or actions of others. No matter how they choose to be, I can choose to be kind. That’s power. That’s love. That’s change making. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it. Wanna join me?

Let’s start with ourselves.

When we think of kindness, it’s natural, and important, to consider how we can be kinder to others. But what about ourselves? Surely we’re entitled to our own kindness. We benefit most from the love we have to share. With that in mind, how do you treat yourself? Do you offer yourself the same smile you would a loved one? Are you lifting yourself up or tearing yourself down? We have to look at how we talk to ourselves and focus on a kinder inner dialogue. We don’t live in a world where everyone is sweet to one another. We’re likely to face a good share of assholes out there. At the very least, let’s not be assholes to ourselves.

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Scott Stabile is the author of Big Love. His inspirational posts and videos have attracted a huge and devoted social media following, including nearly 360K Facebook fans and counting. A regular contributor to the Huffington Post, he lives in Michigan and conducts personal empowerment workshops around the world. Visit him online at www.scottstabile.com.

Excerpted from the book Big Love: The Power of Living with a Wide-Open Heart. Copyright ©2017 by Scott Stabile. Printed with permission from New World Library — www.newworldlibrary.com.

Guest post by Gaurav Bhalla, Ph.D., author of  “Awakening a Leader’s Soul, Learnings through Immortal Poems…”

New times require new narratives…and Leadership is no exception. Especially since the story of leadership today is one of serial crises with the meltdown occurring in virtually all organizations of civic society, ranging from government to education to healthcare, NGOs, and even religion. The eager and animated post-mortems conducted endlessly on 24×7 news-analysis-opinion channels like CNN and the Internet are not going to help leadership wade its way out of its recurrent crises. What will – and is urgently needed – is that we embrace a new 21^st century narrative that reimagines the purpose of leadership and leadership journeys.

Here’s why.

The dilemmas, quandaries, and problems faced by today’s leaders can’t be solved by simple-minded thinking: “yes-no,” “right-wrong,” “agree-disagree.” There’s always a “but…” hanging around somewhere to make leadership journeys and decisions more challenging: “Yes…but,” “Right…but,” “Agree…but.” Consequently, what is needed is bold, audacious leaps away from traditional methods of developing leaders that rely on personality-based approaches and effective execution of virtuous managerial tasks, like empowerment, job-enrichment, and having fun at work, to something deeper, more substantial, and more enduring. We need an inner awakening in leaders, so that they can bring their biggest asset into play, their humanity—who they are, what they stand for, and what they are willing to fight for. Because, while the head may be smart, the soul is smarter…and wise.

Next, old methods of nurturing and shaping leaders are just not working, and need fundamental transformation. Every year, billions of dollars are spent globally on leadership training and development programs, with the US alone reportedly spending between upwards of $10 billion. Regrettably, these enormous investments have produced pitiable returns.

Here’s just the tip of the iceberg as proof:

• The 2017 Edelman Global Trust Barometer informs us that “trust in leaders” is in tatters.
• Compounding the trust crisis, is the low employee engagement dilemma. Gallup’s research indicates that more than 50% employees evaluate themselves as “not engaged,” and between 15-20% as “actively disengaged.”
• Lastly, it’s an atypical day when the media doesn’t carry stories of leadership betrayals and business scandals representing deliberate and vicious acts of wrongdoing. Takata, VW, Uber, Wells Fargo, and Retrophin – a small sampling from a list that grows longer every day.

Finally, we need a new narrative, because the current “market-centric” creed that dominates leadership behavior – profits and performance over all else – is not sustainable. Leadership is about action; leaders are hired to do something. Committing to action – any action – requires sacrificing something or somebody. But the planet and people without access to power, privilege, and resources can’t be sacrificed ad infinitum as they traditionally have been; “exclusion and inequality” are not the best growth strategy in today’s connected and interdependent world. The world deserves better from its leaders.

In my new book, “Awakening A Leader’s Soul: Learnings Through Immortal Poems,” (www.soulfulleadership.world) I propose a new narrative for reimagining leadership’s purpose. It’s called “Soulful Leadership,” and is defined as:

“Purposeful leadership journeys guided by an inner awakening that faithfully and diligently consider the full range of sacrifices embedded in leadership decisions so the ongoing prosperity and wellbeing of all involved – the leader, the organization, people (employees, customers, communities), and the planet (health and resources) – can be increased.”

There are several reasons why I believe embracing and implementing “Soulful Leadership” will help ease leadership crises and usher in a new era of wellbeing and prosperity for the greater many, not just the privileged few with access to power and resources.

First, Soulful Leadership shifts the purpose and focus of leadership from an exclusive “market-centric” focus to a more “human-centric” consciousness: one that aspires for greater “inclusion and equality.” This is vital in today’s diverse world with multiple and conflicting agendas

Second, it reimagines leadership’s purpose by focusing on what leadership should stand for – a public platform for increasing the “wellbeing and prosperity” of the greatest many. Too much emphasis has been placed on the personality and power of leaders for too long with too little return. It’s time we moved away from a spotlight on leaders to the necessary role of leadership.

Third, and most importantly, Soulful Leadership nudges us to look beyond the brilliance of leaders’ executive minds to an asset that’s even more important, their humanity—who they are, what they stand for, and what they are willing to fight for. Because, while what’s in leaders’ heads may be smart, what’s lies within that guides what’s in their heads is smarter…and wiser.

In order to trigger the humanity of 21^st century’s visionary leaders and script a new narrative for leadership, the book urges current and future leaders to turn to a new and different set of teachers for guidance – the world’s immortal poems. Accordingly, with the help of these different teachers and their timeless wisdom, the book recruits the works of immortal poets, like Shakespeare, Rumi, Blake, Whitman, and Dickinson, and a few modern ones too, like Milosz, Rilke, and Gibran to take current and future leaders on a transformative journey of reflection and self-awareness, so they can understand their own humanity and that of the worlds in which they live in new and different ways.

And yet the world is different from what it seems to be

and we are other than how we see ourselves in our ravings.

Czeslaw Milosz, “Ars Poetica”

After seeing and hearing themselves in new and different ways, the book and the author hope that readers can start their own “Soulful Leadership” journeys, using the power and privilege of their leadership positions to make the world a better place.

The book launches globally on Sep. 7. It’s available, currently, for pre-order on Amazon in the US, UK, and Canada. In the meantime, dear reader, you are invited to visit the website: www.soulfulleadership.world to get better acquainted with the book. While there you can download a color infographic depicting the book’s journey and a free essay – Prologue – from the book’s website.

Namaskar! Wishing you happy Soulful Leadership journeys.

By Helen Sanders

Almost everyone has experienced the feeling of drifting off, thinking about the weekend, or the last movie we watched, only to suddenly realize we’re still in the office, and the boss still wants those figures by the end of the day!

Whether at home, work or school, everyone can benefit from improved concentration to increase productivity and efficiency.

In this article, we’ll explore concentration and how to improve it.

What is Concentration?

Concentration is the brain’s ability to focus attention on one activity.  The cerebral cortex, in the frontal lobe of our brain, is responsible for concentration, memory, thinking and understanding.

Nerve cells, or neurons, are activated by thoughts and activities.  If we are thinking about lots of things at one time, the neurons are activated in such a way that we are unable to focus our attention (source).

The Right Amount of Sleep

Research has proven that too little sleep adversely affects concentration.  Similarly, too much sleep can adversely affect our focus – it makes us feel sluggish and not at our best.

How much sleep we need is different for everyone, and changes with age.  The most important aspect of sleep is to get enough so that you feel refreshed when you wake up, and to have a regular sleep pattern (source).

Brain Training and Meditation

Concentration is a learned activity, like riding a bike.  The more we practice focusing, the more concentration will improve.  There are lots of different techniques and exercises available online to improve concentration.

Meditation is one excellent way to do this, because it requires us to develop the ability to become aware of and to have control over our thoughts (source).

Make a Plan

If you’re working on several activities, write them down and prioritize them.  This helps us to concentrate on one task at a time because we know we don’t have to remember them all – your brain feels like you’ve got things under control.

Writing down and planning tasks also helps us to improve concentration by telling us what we’re supposed to be concentrating on.  There’s less chance of getting distracted by Facebook when the task you have written down in front of you is to check your emails – and if you do get distracted, the reminder is likely to re-focus your attention more quickly.

Consider Your Environment

Some situations are better for concentration than others.  If you work in an office and people around are being noisy, close the door, change your location, or politely ask them to keep it down.

Listening to music is a technique that works for some people, but not others.  The brain associates beds, darkness and lying down with sleep, so sitting in a brightly lit room is likely to improve your concentration.

Eat a Balanced Diet – and Eat Breakfast

Eating well balanced, light meals improves concentration.  Avoid overeating – this makes us feel lethargic and sluggish.  Eating whole nutritious foods that nurture the brain is vitally important.

It would be unrealistic to expect a major league basketball player to perform well on a diet of burgers and tacos.  The same goes for your brain!

Research tells us that breakfast is one of the most important ways to boost concentration.  A healthy morning meal consists of foods like fruits, yoghurt, nuts, seeds and dark chocolate (source).

Foods to Improve Concentration

Foods high in good fats, vitamins, minerals and antioxidants improve brain cognition, memory and focus.

Increase your amount of:

• Avocados
• Beets
• Blueberries
• Broccoli and green-leaf vegetables
• Celery
• Coconut oil
• Extra virgin olive oil
• Dark chocolate
• Eggs
• Salmon
• Walnuts

All are proven brain power boosters.

Drink Water

Water helps to maintain normal body temperature, helps to balance chemicals in the brain, increases our nutrient absorption and flushes out toxins and waste products.  All of these functions help to improve concentration.

Water requirements vary between individuals, but the general rule is around six cups per day (source).

Take Regular Exercise and Regular Breaks

Exercise gets the blood pumping against the flow of gravity up to the brain, increasing oxygen flow.

Research shows that regular moderate physical activity is directly linked with improved brain performance and increased concentration (source).

While you’re working, take a break every 30-60 minutes, walk around and get moving.  This has been shown to improve concentration and productivity (source).

There are many different factors that affect concentration, and a huge variety of ways to improve it.  By making a few small changes, you have the power to supercharge your day!