Guest post by Dreama Denver

As the mother of a severely autistic son, I know how badly a mother’s heart yearns to see her child treated with respect and some semblance of normalcy even when he’s different. I also understand autistic behaviors and how disruptive they can be.
My husband, television actor Bob Denver (“Gilligan” in Gilligan’s Island, “Maynard G. Krebs” in The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis) understood the challenges that special needs families face so well that he literally walked away from a very successful Hollywood career in order to be by my side to care for our son Colin. For over two decades until Bob passed in 2005, my husband was Colin’s biggest champion.  His role as a father was far more important to him than any other role television, movies or theatre could hope to offer.

So, when I, like millions of others saw the video on social media of the teacher at an elementary school in West Virginia pulling the microphone away from a little autistic boy at the end of the school’s Thanksgiving play, I felt an immediate combination of sadness and anger. My “mother/protector” instinct kicked in immediately, much as it did for the countless others who commented on the video. But, viewing only the 15 or 20 seconds that most people saw doesn’t give a clear picture of the incident. After tracking down the entire 15 minute video, it’s apparent that the little boy was indeed allowed to fully participate with the other children, and I applaud his teacher and the school for that. It was also clear that he wandered the stage a bit, unable to totally focus on the task at hand, which is not unusual for an autistic child, or any young elementary school-age child for that matter. As parents, we want our children to ‘fit in’, we want them to have friends and experiences that give them a sense of self and their worth in the world. Parents of autistic children are no different, and I’m grateful that this precious little guy had the chance to be “one of the kids”.

Bob and I spent over twenty years caring for our son Colin, and I know first hand that providing care for a special needs child 24/7/365 is a daunting task, but one that makes you a better person for the experience. Our son’s worth was always apparent to us and our family, even though he was nonverbal and “different”. To an outsider looking in, that worth may have been a mystery, but here’s what I can tell you about differences; they should be celebrated!
Had our son been what society deems normal, I’m not sure I would know unconditional love in its purest form. We loved with no expectation of having it returned in any kind of normal way, and that only made us love harder. Colin taught us patience and gratitude for the smallest victories, gave us strength we never knew we had, not to mention a profound understanding of the miracle of the human body and the blessing of having a child whose parts work the way they were designed to work.

We, as a society, are defined by the way we treat the weakest among us. So how can we sit in judgement of a child who, through no fault of his own, is different? I can tell you from personal experience these children know when they’re being made to feel less than normal. Why would we ever want to diminish another human being? It takes so little effort to show kindness and understanding, so little effort to give someone hope that they too can be included.
I don’t personally know anyone involved in this incident or the behavioral history of this adorable little boy. Maybe the teacher had good reason to be wary of what he might say his last time at the microphone. The previous time he said, ‘ouch, ouch’, maybe that was part of the script, maybe not.  Maybe the teacher made a split second decision that she wishes she could take back. How many of us have made a bad decision on the fly that we’ve regretted later?  Maybe every elementary school Thanksgiving pageant in America goes off the rails to a certain extent, and that’s what makes them so adorable and memorable.  Teachers of special needs kids are by and large incredibly warm, caring individuals who have chosen a career path that’s often much tougher than that of their colleagues in education. I support and thank them for stepping up; special adults who help special children deserve a special place in heaven as far as I’m concerned.
What am I thankful for? I’m thankful for the fact that this special little soul was included in the school’s Thanksgiving pageant at all.  There was a time not too long ago that he would have been kept from participating.  I HOPE there was a valid reason for not letting him say his last line; that’s my Thanksgiving wish.

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Dreama Denver is a former television and stage actress who was selected by Roy Disney to be in the original cast of 40 at Disney World. She met Bob Denver when they were cast aopposite one another in a play, and spent nearly 30 years together until Bob’s untimely passing in 2005. The Denver Foundation was formed by Bob and Dreama to help the families of special needs children. Dreama’s book “Gilligan’s Dreams” chronicles their life together in Hollywood and then as parents to their special needs child.  It’s available at https://www.amazon.com/Gilligans-Dreams-Dreama-Denver/dp/1479320005 and wherever great books are sold.  Find out more at www.bobdenver.com.

An excerpt from Start Right Where You Are

by Sam Bennett

As the creator of The Organized Artist Company, bestselling author Sam Bennett’s mission in life is clear: to assist people in getting unstuck by helping them focus and move forward on their goals.

That is also the intention of her new book Start Right Where You Are: How Little Changes Can Make a Big Difference for Overwhelmed Procrastinators, Frustrated Overachievers, and Recovering Perfectionists, which is based on the premise that small shifts in the right direction can yield big results in the realization of our creative dreams.   We hope you’ll enjoy this short excerpt from the book.

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You think that once you get that big expanse of time, you’re going to be in clover. You’re going to get all those projects done around the house, you’re going to finally have time to write, do yoga, and practice the flute, and it’s going to be great. Retirement. Getting laid off. Summer vacation.

And then that big expanse of time comes, and somehow, day after day, the time slips by, and you just don’t get anywhere.

Having too much time can make a project feel just as overwhelming as not having enough time. When you can start anytime, how do you know when to start?

The other problem with this problem is that no one believes it’s a problem. You feel ungrateful at best and like a fool at worst complaining that you have too much time. Who’s going to sympathize with that? So you keep it to yourself. And you feel ashamed. And nothing feeds shame like secrecy. Can you see how a person could end up in a downward spiral that leads straight to long afternoons spent watching home-remodeling shows?

Now, I love home-remodeling shows, but I also believe that we are naturally inclined toward productivity. We love to be learning, doing, and playing. We love to stretch and grow and solve problems, and we love to feel like we’re making a contribution to the world. Too much unstructured time can be stressful and depressing. When we don’t know what to do with ourselves, we give up.

The trick is to inject some creative tension into your life. The word tension gets a bad rap, but remember that it is structural tension that holds the keystone in every arch — and sexual tension is often the beginning of all kinds of wonderful things.

Think of a goal that frightens you a little bit, something that stirs you up, maybe even something that you’re pretty sure is impossible. Let it loom large in your mind. Connect with it. Feel the energetic relationship — the tension — between where you are now and where the goal is. Feel that energetic spoke of the Net between you and that goal, and let that tension pull you forward into taking one first step.

When you’ve taken one step, celebrate. It’s easy to brush aside first steps, especially when you believe that you really should be farther along already, but don’t. You did something, which is more than you did yesterday. Which is excellent. Be proud.

Now create a “minimum daily requirement” (MDR) for yourself. Make it something super-easy to do but still meaningful. If you want to write a book, perhaps your MDR is to write one sentence on an index card. If you’re trying to declutter the garage, maybe you will commit to spending five minutes a day in there, whether you do any work or not. And of course there’s my favorite “fifteen minutes a day” strategy. I firmly believe that spending just fifteen minutes a day on the project that is dearest to your heart has the power to change your entire life. Try it and let me know.

If your project is a bit epic, you can do yourself a favor by setting a series of six-week minigoals that will lead you to that bigger result. Six weeks is enough time to see significant progress, and two six-week periods will take you through a season. To create a plan in which, say, you research your historical novel in the fall, begin writing at the winter solstice, and have a rough first draft by spring might have a nice, natural rhythm to it.

By allowing yourself to engage with a big, juicy project, create incremental six- and twelve-week goals, and maintain your minimum daily requirement, you can shake yourself out of the shadowy morass of too much time and right into the sunny fields of creative productivity.

Little Changes Action Step: Write down a goal that sends a genuine thrill through your body. Now write down what you think a good minimum daily requirement for achieving that goal might be. Your MDR should be so small that there’s no way you can’t do it. Now reduce that MDR by half. That’s right — lower the bar. So if you want to get in shape and your initial MDR is to do fifty sit-ups a day, reduce that number to twenty-five. If you want to redo the backyard, then commit to spending just fifteen minutes a day out there. Of course, you may end up doing fifty sit-ups or spending all afternoon weeding, but that’s a bonus. You still do your MDR the next day.

Steady, consistent movement is how the Colorado River carved out the Grand Canyon, and that same persistence will give you equally awe-inspiring results.

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Sam Bennett is the author of Start Right Where You Are and Get It Done. She created The Organized Artist Company to help creative people get unstuck and achieve their goals. She is a writer, actor, teacher, and creativity/productivity specialist who has counseled thousands of artists and entrepreneurs on their way to success.  Visit her online www.startrightwhereyouare.com.

Excerpted from Start Right Where You Are. Copyright © 2016 by Sam Bennett. Printed with permission from New World Library — www.newworldlibrary.com.

Guest Post by Emily J. Hooks

Do you have a little extra apprehension about the holidays this year? Wonder how you will handle the uncle or second cousin who voted for “the other guy?” What about the sibling who can’t help but gloat?

We’ve all heard the expression, “Never talk about religion, politics, or money at the dinner table.” That is going to be harder this year than ever, and it may also be a missed opportunity because it is empathy and understanding within families that plant the seeds of tolerance in communities and the world. Tolerance is cultivated by getting to know and respecting the views of those different than us. This isn’t only true for “them.” It is also true for “us.”

So, how do we, on a practical level, embrace our differences to build bridges when many of us are experiencing shock, even grief after the election this year? As we move into a time of thanksgiving, we need to prepare for the inevitable conversations that will unfold. How can we handle our heartache and indignation while living by the values of inclusion, diversity, and acceptance?

As a forgiveness expert and the author of, The Power of Forgiveness: A Guide to Healing and Wholeness, I began by reminding myself of the values that inform the way I live my life. I have had to investigate the ideas of tolerance, human rights, diversity, compassion, and empathy and ask myself, “Am I living all of these values today, as I am challenged to understand views so different than my own?” With honest reflection, what I found was that some of my core beliefs had been tested. I have been deeply challenged to stay present to my truth and to live it. Yet, I know these principles to be more important now than ever.

When someone has a worldview we cannot with any amount of reflection and willingness comprehend, we become fearful. Why? Because the unknown and unknowable scare us. We cannot predict the outcome, and therefore, the impact in our lives. We feel helpless in our inability to grasp something so different from ourselves. We feel powerless to do the one thing we know we must do: protect ourselves, those we love, and the values upon which we base our lives, which for many include protecting the civil liberties and the well-being of our fellow human beings. So, we react to defend. It makes sense. If you think you might be in danger, you react.

The problem with taking action from this place is that fear manifests fear. Another issue with this type of response is that we always find what we look for. When we position ourselves to defend, we are less likely to see other possibilities. And, when someone senses us defending even if they did not intend to cause harm they put up their defenses. We become locked in a battle that may have been avoided. We become locked in a battle we, in part, created.

So, what is the alternative? Here are five practical steps each of us can take to prepare ourselves to maintain our values, allow others to express themselves, and take steps to narrow the political divide.

1. Honor how you feel. Before the big get together, allow the fear to move through you and cultivate an experience of love. Spend time getting back in touch with love. It is the only source energy that will create an outcome that reflects the values of equality, freedom, and true justice.

2. Prepare by getting centered and cultivating compassion. When we move into crisis-thinking, we tend to stop doing the very things that nurture our capacity to have a deeper understanding of the human experience. Purposefully make time to continue these activities, which include self-care, having fun, and spending time with (likeminded) loved ones.

3. Remember not to take it personally. Your father’s perspective is not about you. It is about him. His point-of-view is informed by his experiences and the way he knows to react to them. Even if you don’t get it, you can remember that he, like us all, is doing the best he can. And, you won’t sway anyone’s perspective by telling them they are wrong or ignorant. You will, however, make an impact by demonstrating values that create happiness, because wanting contentment is the one thing most of us have in common.

4. Take a break when you need to. If you’re anything like me, you might need to get centered more than once. Use a simple short meditation or breathing exercise to keep your physiological responses in check.

5. Exercise empathy, above all else. Empathy is a feeling. When we allow ourselves to feel what another might feel, we connect with them on the most fundamental level. It is not a judgment, as in, “Oh, they just don’t get it. That is so sad.” If you inquire within, you might find that any judgment you have about “them” actually causes suffering. Judgment blocks the source energy of love by creating separation.

This Thanksgiving and Holiday Season we have a great opportunity. We have the chance to demonstrate the values that lead to healing in us and the world. We have the chance to show others we might not otherwise be able to touch. Jesus said, “Love heals all wounds.” The Buddha said, “Love transforms suffering.” That is the source of our power to change the course of history, starting at home.

Emily J. Hooks is an author and founder of the Forgiveness Academy. Visit The Power of Forgiveness Kickstarter page to pre-order the book, meet the author, and learn more about the book that’s empowering the world with the personal healing practice of forgiveness.

Guest post by Ralph Masengill

Want to be very successful? Here is a simple secret few take advantage of in their personal or business life. You will be a true winner only if you are:

1. Willing to take a calculated risk and endorse positive change on a regular basis.
2. Learning how change affects our emotions and our feelings.

Let’s take a short journey together.
What we are talking about is understanding the risk of change. Why is it so important that we know about and understand change? We humans, and there are no exceptions, are constantly involved in change. Change never stops. It is always constantly going on in us and around us. The truly successful men and women of the world have a good understanding of change and how you can manipulate change to your advantage. You cannot stop it, but you can control most change. You can always control the emotions that change causes in all of us.

Are you in a personal or business rut? In a rut, you have no control where that rut will take you. You have lost your freedom to act. To not change is to lose control of your future. To be in a rut is losing your freedom to control your life, business or both. Laurence J. Peter states that “A rut is a grave with the ends knocked out.” He is talking about life without understanding the importance of the affects that change has on all humans.

Mark Twain put it his way “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.” Many good people refuse to accept the risk and uncertainty that change always brings with it. They stay in a self-imposed rut. They force themselves to live in a stagnant prison of their own making. They have part of it right. There can be some security in a prison. I would name that prison Opportunity Lost. When it comes to change we really only have two choices. One is to embrace change with gusto. The second is to stay in a rut by refusing to admit that all change is constant, live in denial and because they made a bad choice end up losing their freedom to act. The solution is to simply agree to devote time and effort to understanding change and how it makes us feel.

Someone said, “Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain”. I believe the happiest and most successful people do not necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. Choose Change. It is the path to true happiness and business success.

You and I are always undergoing continuous change intended or not. The exciting truth is the more we know about change, both positive and negative change, the more we can profit from change. If you want a more enjoyable and profitable personal and business life, you must have a solid understanding of what change is and how it makes us and the people we deal with feel. In other words, understanding change and how it makes all people feel will put you in a winning position in your life and your business.

If that is true and it is, what is change and how does it affect all of us on a continuous basis? After 40 years of study and research here is my definition of change:

All men and women regard all change both good and bad change with a feeling of loss (examples would be remorse or that pit of the stomach feeling) and that feeling of loss always creates some form of anger, anxiety or fear.

Understanding how change works can change your life for the better and give you a solid advantage. That is a guarantee. Here are some amazing facts about continuous change.

1. Most of us will not change until the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of changing.
2. You and I often prefer the security of known misery, to the supposed misery of unfamiliar insecurity.
3. Change is consistent, intended or not.

Number one on the list above was true for me in a big way. Until I learned how to handle continuous change and the feelings change had on my personality nothing seemed to get better. I seemed to be stuck in a continuous rut. Understanding continuous change turned my humdrum life around. Understanding change is not hard but you must work at it on a regular basis. Understanding change can be the one thing that can put you in the winner’s circle often. It did just that for me.

What do others say about change?
“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” Andy Warhol

“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.” Carol Burnett

“Change your thoughts and you change your world”, Norman Vincent Peale

“Nothing endures but change.” Heraclitus (540BC – 480BC)

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending if you are willing to change.” Maria Robinson

On the Oprah Winfrey Show I heard an interview where Oprah was sharing with a guest about a dream she had where the children in her dream were asking her, “What can you teach me?” She said what she learned from that was, to look at every event in her life from that perspective. Then I realized as she was sharing, that is exactly what has made the difference in my own life in dealing with change. Now I welcome it knowing it leads to a greater understanding of my purpose on this planet. Dealing with both positive and negative change is a learning process that allows you and I to know what kind of emotions (feelings) continuous change will cause.

No one really likes dealing with change, no one. However we all like the results of positive change. We are never in pain because of change, only our resistance to change can cause us pain. Once you stop resisting what happens in your life and accept it the sooner you have the opportunity to feel less stress and set your business and your life up for even more success. For me it was one of those amazing “ah ha” moments where you are never the same after that. To truly be successful in any undertaking you must embrace positive change and the pain the resistance brings willingly and often.

We all take risk every day when we embrace positive change. Do we take a calculated risk or do we sometimes just roll the dice and just hope for the best? The former is not acting on opportunity; it is acting out of ignorance. I admit that in my younger days, I did more rolling of the dice than I want to talk about and I had to pay the price. I paid the price by losing time, money and happiness many times out of my own ignorance about change. One time I almost lost my business. All of us can and should learn from our mistakes. Mistakes can be a teacher. However, it is a very expensive and painful way to learn.

Charles Tremper puts it this way: “The first step in the calculated risk process is to acknowledge the reality of the risk. Denial is a common tactic that substitutes deliberate ignorance for thoughtful planning.” Executing a plan will involve change. Being willing to change is always a calculated risk that should be encouraged. For one thing it is where most business and personal success comes from in today’s world.

Many successful people have something to say about risk taking. Winston Churchill said, “There is nothing wrong with change, if it is the right direction.” Author and lecturer Earl Nightingale stated, “You can measure opportunity with the same yardstick that measures the risk involved. They go together.” I believe it is clear that all positive change requires calculated risk taking. Do your homework and success can be yours.

Is the opposite of risk, security? Some say it is. I believe those people are in error. Here is what Helen Keller had to say about security. “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Former President Eisenhower said, “One can find outright security only in a prison. In order to be absolutely secure you must give up your individual freedoms.” Dennis Waitley in one of this lectures said, “Life is inherently risky. To become the success you want to be there is only one big risk you should avoid at all cost. That is the risk of doing nothing.” I personally believe total security is a myth. Understanding how change makes all of us feel makes the task less stressful and more fulfilling.

Without calculated risk and positive change there would be no United States of America and no free enterprise system. Our free enterprise system is based on planned change that requires risk that then creates an opportunity that can lead to a solid reward. Risk and change are things we should get up with gladly every morning. In order to succeed beyond even our most daring dreams we must be willing to accept calculated risk and change as a way of life.
We have all seen or read about a business that does well in a certain market while their competitor offering the same product or service flounders. Ms. Wilcox with her short poem tells us why. She nails it in two sentences. Please take a moment right now and re-read her poem.

First make sure you know how the market “winds” are blowing and then and only then set your business “sails” accordingly using positive change and taking the calculated risk that is always part of the package. Do that correctly and you can, with assurance reach your destination of enhanced sales and profit and/or a better life. You can then taste sweet success.

The first step is to know the direction of the market “winds”. Get this wrong and all your other efforts do not matter. Over the years I have been amazed how little time and money many spend on effective market research. Hunches do have their place in the business “sea”, but this first step is not one of them. Solid accurate market research is the capstone of any good business arch. You must react to the market. You must change in order to win. Get the market “winds” right and make the correct changes and you will take home the profit trophy.

Change is something you must do on a regular basis if you want to be successful in life or business. Resistance to change has always been a part of the human psyche. We must work hard not to resist positive change even though it is not our nature. The solution is simple but not easy. Learn all you can about change and how it makes us all feel and be willing to take a calculated risk. Knowing what to expect when you need to change will help you be all that you want be in this world. Work hard to see positive change as a friend and do not resist this widely misunderstood process. Positive change is just that, a positive. Embrace it and you have a great opportunity to succeed in your personal and business life above your present goals and dreams. Understanding change is well worth the effort required.

About the Author

Ralph is an advisor, coach, marketing expert, business consultant and public relations strategist. Many words could be used to describe Ralph Masengill, but he prefers to be called “friend,” a title he fully expects to earn daily.
He and his wife Dianne live near the Great Smoky Mountains in East Tennessee. They have four grown children two dogs, Charlie and Beau along with one cat, Bandit. He enjoys wood working (He has a complete shop in his home), sailing, oil painting and working with his favorite charities.
Ralph@masengill.com
http://masengill.com or http://conquerchangeandwin.com
(423)585-0106